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As a Jewish man, I’ve had my fair share of Chinese food. This place, the Dragon Gate on 23rd Ave just west of 31st St in Astoria, is without question the worst. Even the water was bad.

The fried noodles were wet with grease, the sweet-and-sour chicken was basically a hush puppy, and the thing Ann got looked like brains. Awful. Had I a set of balls, I’d’ve asked for my money back. We sat far from the kitchen, luckily. We’d no doubt’ve had to shout over the meowing.