After the ICBs we took a disco nap. The humidity really drains ya.
Now, when I spoke with my inside man Oscar the night before he hipped me to the fact that tonight was Midsummers Mardi Gras — an event held by a local group every year that begins and ends at the Maple Leaf Bar. We made our way Uptown via the St. Charles Streetcar. Like the yamhead I am I kept referring to this as the Streetcar Named Apathy. I even made Garrett and Ann pose.
I then asked Ann what the Streetcar Named Desire looked like.
And heres what the Garden District looks like at night from a moving streetcar.
By the time we got to the Maple Leaf the O.A.K. Krewe that was doing the parade had already left. I figured wed meet up with them when they came back and we went next door to Jack-Imos Restaurant for extreme eating and drinking. Frankly, I had heard very mixed things about this place some loved it, others hated it. I was wary as they just opened up on the Upper West Side. My conclusion, though, is that it is a lot of fun. Plus the bartenders are a riot. And they played nothing but classic rock. I got to give my loud lecture about how Charlie Watts is the greatest drummer in the history of man. Heres Jim mixing us up some complimentary Southern Comforts and Lime.
And heres what I ate a stuffed porkchop. As if a pig at a cow that had been eating shrimp.
It came with mashed potatoes, collareds and alligator sausage. Ann got something chicken related and Garrett got something fried.
The Krewe made its way back, and thats when we met Elvis.
And Spongebob.
And Bill Clinton with his pants off. (Remember this picture, it comes into play days later.)
And a guy who actually had a lampshade on his head.
And here was a woman on the street, kinda annoyed by the whole thing. Note the sign below her window. Awesome.
And here we are, starting to feel a little dizzy.
We went inside the Maple Leaf. Ivan Neville was there with a group called Dumpsta Funk. Walter Wolfman Washington was sitting in. There it was, Day Two, and I was already seeing two New Orleans legends. They kicked ass. They hit it on the one. The tore the roof off the joint. They made is put our hands in the air and wave em around like we just didnt care.
Here we are, enjoying ourselves.
And here I am, officially rowdy.
Here are others:
Note: the mans necklace is made from prescription pill bottles, and the womans outfit has working neon.
Maybe this guy can actually play the banjo, but he was in no condition to play this night. A nice guy, though.
We wandered across the street to an artists home. He had the door open. I was getting a real vibe.
We took a taxi home, but didnt go upstairs until we stopped at the Hogs Bar. Not the Hogs Breath, which is actually mentioned as a fun dump in some of the guide books. The Hogs Bar. Remember when a yuppie wandered into Moes Tavern and said, this isnt faux dive. This is a dive! Thats how we felt.
Smacked out prostitutes on either side of us. Nothing on tap. No music playing. No light. We came in and ordered light beers (Ann got a Baileys) implying that the evening, now after 3 AM, was coming to a close.
Call the tower! Jimmy the bartender shouted. Theyre coming in for a landing.
Jimmy then told us his life story. From Ohio, he was in Vietnam then lived some strange years in San Francisco. He implied that for many years he was a junkie, and as such he has a soft spot for people who were strung out. Hell always protect them and they know they can come and nod out for a while in the back of the bar so long as they are quiet.
We finished our drink and he bought us a second one. How could we refuse? A moment later he perked up. Wait. Lets have some fun.
He got out some rum, gin and vodka plus pineapple and orange juice. He mixed it all together. This is my signature drink. I call it the Nigga Please!
And I tell you what, the Nigga Please tasted fan-fucking tastic.
After a little while I put a dollar in the jukebox (youll be happy to read, Bill, that I put on Dont Stop Me Now by Queen and sang it at the top of my lungs) and really wanted another Nigga Please. (According to William Safire, if I wanted to order three Id ask for three Niggas Please.) But how to ask for them? There were a handful of blacks in the bar. I asked for three Negroes Please, satisfying my political correctedness and my love of grammar.)
Anyway, heres a shot of Garrett enjoying these fine beverages.
And of Ann.
And, finally, of Jimmy, the greatest bartender in the world, mugging with his tongue hanging.
He works the 1 to 9 AM shift. When he told me this I said, Wow! Wow! They always say Wow. We spent, like, five dollars each and had a slew of drinks. Did he just like the fact that we weren’t packin’?
We went upstairs just as the sun was coming out. I popped a tape of Tron on. Within thitry seconds I was asleep on the couch.