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Films Seen 1/5/14 – 2/8/14

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, February 9th, 2014


Hello. This batch update includes films seen at the Sundance Film Festival. You can read more in-depth reviews for these films on ScreenCrush,, NY Daily News or Times of Israel. I’m not spending time finding the links for you. If you are really interested, Google the title and my name. You want me to tie your shoes for you, too?

Amer (2009), Bruno Forzani, Hélène Cattet, B-
Mysteries of the Unseen World (2014), Louis Schwartzberg, A-
The Nut Job (2014), Peter Lepeniotis, B
The Great Flood (2014), Bill Morrison, A
The Legend of Hercules (2014), Renny Harlin, D-
Wetlands (2014), David Wnendt, C-
White Shadow (2014), Noaz Deshe, B+
To Be Takei (2014), Jennifer Kroot, C+
The Color Wheel (2011), Alex Ross Perry, A-
Keep the Lights On (2012), Ira Sachs, B
The Green Prince (2014), Nadav Schirman, A-
Dinosaur 13 (2014), Todd Douglas Miller, C-
God’s Pocket (2014), John Slattery, B
Obvious Child (2014), Gillian Robespierre, B
Frank (2014), Lenny Abrahamson, A
Wish I Was Here (2014), Zach Braff, C
I Origins (2014), Mike Cahill, D
Love is Strange (2014), Ira Sachs, A-
The Voices (2014), Marjane Satrapi, A-
A Most Wanted Man (2014), Anton Corbijn, B+
Calvary (2014), John Michael McDonough, B
Boyhood (2014), Richard Linklater, A
Listen Up Philip (2014), Alex Ross Perry, A-
White Bird in a Blizzard (2014), Gregg Araki, B-
Hits (2014), David Cross, C
The Raid 2: Berandal (2014), Gareth Evans, B-
Web Junkie (2014), Hilla Medalia, Shosh Shlam, C-
Happy Christmas (2014), Joe Swanberg, C
Little Accidents (2014), Sara Colangelo, D
Decasia (2002), Bill Morrison, B
The Train (1964), John Frankenheimer, A
Pretty Village, Pretty Flame (1996), Srđan Dragojević, B
Monuments Men (2014), George Clooney, B-
The Lego Movie (2014), Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, A
Demi-Soeur (2014), Josiane Balasko, C+
A Field in England (2014), Ben Wheatley, C+
Love and Air Sex (2014), Bryan Poyser, D-
Omar (2014), Hany Abu-Assad, B
Paradise Now (2005), Hany Abu-Assadm B
Nurse 3D (2014), Douglas Aarniokoski, B
Wetlands Preserved: The Story of an Activist Nightclub (2008), Dean Budnick, C+
300 (2007), Zack Snyder, A
Respect Yourself: The Stax Records Story (2007), Robert Gordon and Morgan Neville, B
Bluegrass Country Soul (1972), Albert Ihde, B+
Vampire Academy (2014), Mark Waters, B
differently, Molussia (2012), Nicolas Rey, C-
River of Fundament (2007 – 2013), Matthew Barney, B+

Why Does Bill Hader Look Like He Wants To Murder Me In This Picture?

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Friday, January 10th, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-01-10 at 3.39.03 PM

Because he’s standing there with a dummy who thinks it’s cool to make jokes about people dying in a natural disaster.

But, let’s back it up a bit.

I used to do a lot more celebrity interviews than I do now. Now it’s a once in a while thing, and usually they are over the phone or in a quiet office somewhere. Last July 2013 I went old school and made a return to the “press lines” and red carpet world during San Diego Comic-Con.

Among those I spoke to was Bill Hader. Nice chap, very funny, and promoting his then forthcoming picture “Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2.”

What you get at these things are a few minutes to give a comedian like Hader a set-up for him to make a funny retort that’ll cut well. This interview was going fine, except for the fact that the room we were in (stashed in the back of an enormous Hilton hotel) was very loud.

So, we’re talking about the Foodimals in the “Cloudy” films, and how giant cheeseburger monsters are chasing children around. Hader and I are zipping back and forth about the threats posed by scientifically modified foods and I say “wow – looks like this movie is worse than Monsanto!”

That’s funny if you get it, admittedly baffling if you don’t. But it comes off as very poor taste if, due to the chaos of the very loud room, you hear the word “Monsanto” as “Monsoon.”

You see, just a few days earlier, there had been massive, deadly flooding in China.

The image you see above, which a certain friend of mine likes to put on Twitter (and who has a big Hawkeye Pierce-style retaliatory practical joke coming his way when he least expects it,) is Hader trying to understand why I would joke about something like this.

Hader did the right thing, by basically saying, “too soon,” and following it up with “that’s not funny, people died.”

I kinda panicked, worried that, I dunno, maybe some new crop of Monsanto-produced tomatoes killed a guy and I didn’t hear about it.

Anyway, the interview ended on a professional note (and this was all cut out of the finished video piece), Hader shook my hand and split, and then one of his handlers came over and asked “what the hell was that all about?”

He and I quickly figured out the misunderstanding (Hader was “down the line” with other interviewers) and the air was cleared in about five minutes.

But we still have this moment of pure (albeit misinterpreted) disgust aimed at me to preserve for all eternity. And now whenever you see me you can say “that’s not funny, people died.”

This Week In Hoffman, Issue #1

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, January 5th, 2014


Something I should be doing, but I do not do, is use this blog to link to all my published work out there on the web.

As of eighteen seconds ago I’ve decided this will be my 2014 resolution.

If I update this on Sunday nights, looking back at the past week, it won’t become too difficult. I hope. Anyway, let’s try it.

This past week – the first week of 2014 – I didn’t publish all that much.

At ScreenCrush you can read my Most Anticipated Films of 2014.

At you can read The Wolf of Hollywood: Martin Scorsese Is No Stranger to Controversy.

At you can read One Trek Mind: Benjamin Sisko – Son of a God?

And at the Times of Israel you can read my weekly Chosen Films column, which includes the 5 Best Jewish Moments in Movies for 2013.

I might be forgetting something, but if I did it can’t be too important.

Films Seen 12/16/13 – 1/4/14

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, January 5th, 2014


Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013), Adam McKay, B-
The Damned (1969), Luchino Visconti, B
Pickpocket (1959), Robert Bresson, A-
Grudge Match (2013), Peter Segal, C-
Raze (2013), Josh Waller, D
Visitors (2014), Godfrey Reggio, C
Generation War (2014), Philipp Kadelbach, B+
Like Father Like Son (2014), Hirokazu Koreeda, B+
Museum Hours (2013), Jem Cohen, A-

Films Seen 11/24 – 12/15

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Monday, December 16th, 2013


Oldboy (2013), Spike Lee, C-
This is the End (2013), Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, B
Z (1969), Costa-Gavras, B-
Her (2013), Spike Jonze, A
Lenny Cooke (2013), Josh and Benny Safdie, B
Twice Born (2013), Sergio Castellitto, D+
For No Good Reason (2013), Charlie Paul, C-
S#x Acts (2013), Jonathan Gurfinkel, B
Closer to the Moon (2013), Nae Caranfil, B-
Gravity (2013), Alfonso Cuaron, A-
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (2013), Peter Jackson, C
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), Martin Scorsese, A
American Hustle (2013), David O. Russell, B+
My Night at Maud’s (1969), Eric Rohmer, B+
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007), Andrew Dominik, A-
Inside Llewyn Davis (2103), Joel and Ethan Coen, A+
The Wind Rises (2013), Hayao Miyazaki, C
Lee Daniels’ The Butler (2013), Lee Daniels, C

Films Seen 9/19 – 11/23

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, November 24th, 2013


Longest gap in blogging ever. You can read reviews to most of these films on, NY Daily News, ScreenCrush or the Times of Israel – or linked from Rotten Tomatoes.

Concussion (2013), Stacie Passon, B-
We Are What We Are (2013), Jim Mickle, B
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2013), Jonathan Levine, C-
About Time (2013), Richard Curtis, C+
The Dog (2013), Allison Berg and Frank Keraudren, B-
When Evening Falls on Bucharest or Metabolism (2013), Corneliu Porumboiu, C-
Cheap Thrills (2013), E.L. Katz, A-
Captain Philips (2013), Paul Greengrass, A-
Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013), Declan Lowney, B-
Carrie (2013), Kimberly Peirce, B
Escape Plan (2013), Mikael Håfström, C+
Homefront (2013), Gary Fleder, B-
Three Musketeers (2011), Paul W.S. Anderson, C
The Counselor (2013), Ridley Scott, B+
The Broken Circle Breakdown (2013), Felix Van Groeningen, A-
Aftermath (2013), Wladyslaw Pasikowski, B
The Garden of Eden (2013), Ran Tal, A-
Arabani (2013), Adi Adwan, C+
The Book Thief (2013), Brian Percival, C+
Ender’s Game (2013), Gavin Hood, B-
The Motel Life (2013), Alan Polsky and Gabe Polsky, B
Birth of the Living Dead (2013), Rob Kuhns, C+
Thor: The Dark World (2013), Alan Taylor, B+
Go For Sisters (2013), John Sayles, B-
Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take One (1968), William Greaves, B
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012), Paul W.S. Anderson, A-
Big Bad Wolves (2013), Navot Papushado and Aharon Keshales, B+
The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology (2013), Sophie Fiennes, B
Delivery Man (2013), Ken Scott, B-
Frozen (2013), Chris Buck and Jennifer Lee, A-
Saving Mr. Banks (2013), John Lee Hancock, C+
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013), Francis Lawrence, A-
Mandela: Long Walk Home (2013), Justin Chadwick, C
Out of the Furnace (2013), Scott Cooper, C+
Is The Man Who Is Tall Happy? (2013), Michel Gondry, B+
Casablanca (1941), Michael Curtiz, A+
The Lone Survior (2013), Peter Berg, B-
Les Paul: Chasing Sound (2007), B

8 Most Lovably Awful Lou Reed Songs

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Sunday, October 27th, 2013


Lou Reed was never afraid to swing for the fences.

I adore all these horrible songs. RIP Lou.

8 – The Day John Kennedy Died

Maybe this just had the misfortune of coming right after “Waves of Fear” on THE BLUE MASK. But, even with the cool guitar & bass going on here. . .ugh.

7 – What’s Good
What good’s a computerized nose?

6 – Gimme Some Good Times.

The opening, where he quotes his own old songs, is the most embarassing thing ever. Worse then when Sting did it, even.

5 – Harry’s Circumcision.

Coulda been cut.

4 – I Love You Suzanne.
The singing!

3 – Pumping Blood.
Like a colored man’s dick.

2 – I Wanna Be Black.
And fuck up the Joooooooze!

1 – Edgar Allen Poe. By a country mile.

Everything about this rules. It RULES!

Bonus points! This awesome Velvet Underground 1993 atrocity.

Films Seen 8/6 – 9/19

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Thursday, September 19th, 2013


I continue to be the absentee father to this blog. But it isn’t like I’m not out there earning the child support.

Here are the films I’ve seen since we last checked in.

95% of the titles have been reviewed at either, ScreenCrush, the New York Daily News, Badass Digest or the Times of Israel.

I don’t have the time to deep link to them all, but 95% of that 95% can be found at my Rotten Tomatoes page.

Gravity (2013), Alfonso Cuaron, A+
Afternoon Delight (2013), Jill Soloway, B
Therese (2013), Claude Miller, B
Celebrity (1998), Woody Allen, A-
Multiple Maniacs (1970), John Waters, B
Gerhard Richter Painting (2011), Corrina Belz, B
Permanent Vacation (1980), Jim Jarmusch, C
Mystery Train (1989), Jim Jarmusch, A-
The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones (2013), Harald Zwart, D-
Scenic Route (2013), Kevin Goetz and Michael Goetz, C-
Savannah (2013), Annette Haywood-Carter, D-
Una Noche (2013), Lucy Mulloy, B+
Our Nixon (2013), Penny Lane, B+
American Made Movie (2013) Nathaniel Thomas McGill and Vincent Vittorio, C
Red Obsession (2013), David Roach and Warwick Ross, B
99%: The Occupy Wall Street Collaborative Film, Multiple Directors, B-
American Milkshake (2013), David Andalman and Mariko Munro, C-
Tio Papi (2013), Fro Rojas, D
Salinger (2013), Shane Salerno, C-
Il Futuro (2013), Alicia Scherson, B
Closed Circuit (2013), John Crowley, C-
Getaway (2013), Courtney Solomon, D-
The Grandmaster (2013), Wong Kar-Wai, D+
Good Ol’ Freda (2013), Ryan White, C
Wadjda (2013), Haifaa Al-Mansour, A-
The Family (2013), Luc Besson, D
How I Live Now (2013), Kevin Macdonald, C
Prisoners (2013), Denis Villenueve, B+
Manakamana (2013), Harvard’s Sensory Ethnography Lab, A-
Child’s Pose (2013), Calin Peter Netze, B+
Abuse of Weakness (2013), Catherine Breillat, C+
The Fifth Estate (2013), Bill Condon, B-
Blue Ruin (2013), Jeremy Saulnier, A-
Ida (2013), Pawel Pawlikowski, A-
Bright Days Ahead (2013), Marion Vernoux, C+
Rush (2013), Ron Howard, B-
This Is Saltinum (2013), Róbert Ingi Douglas, C+
Dallas Buyers Club (2013), Jean-Marc Vallée, A-
Enough Said (2013), Nicole Holofcener, B
We Gotta Get Out of This Place (2013), Simon Hawkins and Zeke Hawkins, C
The Strange Colour of Your Body’s Tears (2013), Hélène Cattet and Bruno Forzani, B+
The Double (2013), Richard Ayoade, B+
When Jews Were Funny (2013), Alan Zweig, C
Fading Gigolo (2013), John Turturro, C-
Visitors (2013), Godfrey Reggio, C+
Dom Hemingway (2013), Richard Shepard, A-
The Known Unknown (2013), Errol Morris, B+
Night Moves (2013), Kelly Reichardt, B+
August: Osage County (2013), John Wells, B+
12 Years A Slave (2013), Steve McQueen, A
Joe (2013), David Gordon Green, B+
Labor Day (2013), Jason Reitman, C+
Tracks (2013), John Curran, B
Bad Words (2013), Jason Bateman, B
The Sacrament (2013), Ti West, D-
The Muslms Are Coming (2013), Dean Obeidallah and Negin Farsad, C
Haute Cuisine (2013), Christian Vincent, B-
The Colony (2013), Jeff Renfroe, D-
Battle of the Year (2013), Benson Lee, B-
Zaytoun (2013), Eran Riklis, C+
Le Week-end (2013), Roger Michell, A-
Goldberg and Eisenberg (2013), Oren Carmi, B+

Films Seen 6/1 – 8/6

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Wednesday, August 7th, 2013


There’s a good chance I’m forgetting some titles.

I have no time to update this blog. It’s just a fact of life.

Links to all my published reviews are on my Rotten Tomatoes page – which is here. From there you can get to ScreenCrush,, the NY Daily News or Badass Digest. Actually, my Times of Israel stuff doesn’t link from there. But, well, you can’t have everything.

The Conjuring (2013), James Wan, B-
After Earth (2013), M. Night Shyamalan, B
Silk (2006), Su Chao-Bin, C-
The Bling Ring (2013), Sofia Coppola, B+
Man of Steel (2013), Zack Snyder, A-
Maniac (2013), Franck Khalfoun, F
Hellaware (2013), Michael M. Bilandic, B+
20 Feet From Stardom (2013), Morgan Neville, B+
Man of Steel (2013), Zack Snyder, A-
When Comedy Went to School (2013), Mevlut Akkaya and Ron Frank, B
A Hijacking (2013), Tobias Lindholm, B+
Blackfish (2013), Gabriela Cowperthwaite, B
Despicable Me 2 (2013), Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud, C
Pacific Rim (2013), Guillermo Del Toro, A-
Chopper (2000), Andrew Dominik, B+
Zeiram (1991), Keita Amemiya, B+
World War Z (2013), Marc Forster, B-
Monsters University (2013), Dan Scanlon, B-
Anything Else (2003), Woody Allen, B+
Interiors (1978), Woody Allen, A-
Melinda and Melinda (2004), B-
Reds (1981), Warren Beatty, A
Happy Together (1997), Wong Kar-Wei, B
The Wolverine (2013), James Mangold, B-
Israel: A Home Movie (2013), Eliav Lilti, A-
The Lone Ranger (2013), Gore Verbinski, C-
The Heat (2013), Paul Feig, B+
Drug War (2013), Johnnie To, B
I’m So Excited (2013), Pedro Almodovar, B
The World’s End (2013), Edgar Wright, A-
Blue Jasmine (2013), Woody Allen, A-
Cassandra’s Dream (2007), Woody Allen, B
What’s New Pussycat (1965), Clive Donner, C
2 Guns (2013), Baltasar Kormákur, B-
Elysium (2013), Neill Blomkamp, B+
Europa Report (2013), Sebastián Cordero, B
Ikarie XB-1 (1963), Jindřich Polák, A
Prince Avalanche (2013), David Gordon Green, B+
The To Do List (2013), Maggie Carey, B-
Smurfs 2 (2013), Raja Gosnell, D+
Inch’Allah (2013), Anaïs Barbeau-Lavalette, C-
I Give It A Year (2013), Dan Mazer, A-
Blood (2013), Nick Murphy, B
Our Nixon (2013), Penny Lane, B
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013), Thor Freudenthal, D
We’re the Millers (2013), Rawson Marshall Thurber, C
Planes (2013), Klay Hall, C

Breathing project

Jordan | Astoria Transfer | Monday, June 10th, 2013

Listen to this, if you dare.


Films Seen 4/14 – 6/1

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Saturday, June 1st, 2013


And, once again, I’ve gone far too long without updating this page. This latest update represents what I caught at the Tribeca & Cannes Film Festivals – and a few things here and there. You’ll see that I watched nothing older than 2006 in a full month-and-a-half, which I find embarrassing and distasteful. (Unless I am forgetting something, which is entirely plausible.)

Pain & Gain (2013), Michael Bay, B+
Cutie and the Boxer (2013), Zachery Heinzerling, A
The English Teacher (2013), Craig Zisk, D
In the House (2013), Francois Ozon, B+
Almost Christmas (2013), Phil Morrison, C
Paradise: Love (2013), Ulrich Seidl, A
Paradise: Faith (2013), Ulrich Seidl, B
Paradise: Hope (2013), Ulrich Seidl, B
Raw Herring (2013), Leonard Retel Helmrich and Hetty Naaijkens-Retel Helmrich, B
Farah Goes Bang (2013), Meera Menon, D
The Rocket (2013), Kim Mordaunt, B+
Trust Me (2013), Clark Gregg, B
Harmony Lessons (2013), Emir Baigazin, B+
Hide Your Smiling Faces (2013), Daniel Patrick Carbone, B+
Taboor (2013), Vahid Vakilifar, C-
Bluebird (2013), Lance Edmands, A-
Some Velvet Morning (2013), Neil Labute, A-
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013), J.J. Abrams, B
Something in the Air (2013), Olivier Assayas, B+
Post Tenbras Lux (2013), Carlos Reygadas, C+
Iron Man Three (2013), Shane Black, B+
Apollo 18 (2011), Gonzalo López-Gallego, C+
This Is Not A Film (2012), Jafar Panahi and Mojtaba Mirtahmasb, C
The Island (2006), Pavel Lungin, B-
Gabi On The Roof In July (2010), Lawrence Michael Levine, C-
The Purge (2013), James DeMonaco, B-
The Great Gatsby (2013), Baz Luhrman, C-
Star Trek Into Darkness (2nd Viewing) (2013), J.J. Abrams, B
Fruitvale Station (2013), Ryan Coogler, B+
The Past (2013), Asghar Farhadi, A-
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013), Joel and Ethan Coen, A
Dance of Reality (2013), Alejandro Jodorowsky, B
The Congress (2013), Ari Folman, A-
Only God Forgives (2013), Nicholas Winding Refn, C-
All is Lost (2013), J.C. Chandor, A-
Blue is the Warmest Color (2013), Abdellatif Kechache, A
Nebraska (2013), Alexander Payne, B
Jeune et Jolie (2013), Francois Ozon, B
Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), Jim Jarmusch, A
Venus in Fur (2013), Roman Polanski, B
Bastards (2013), Clair Denis, B+
The Missing Image (2013), Rithy Panh, B+
Jodorowsky’s Dune (2013), Frank Pavich, B
Borgman (2013), Alex van Warmerdam, B+
The Immigrant (2013), James Gray, B+
Jimmy P: Psychotherapy of a Plains Indian (2013), Arnaud Desplechin, C-
My Sweet Pepper Land (2013), Hiner Saleem, B+
Nothing Bad Can Happen (2013), Katrin Gebbe, B
The Great Beauty (2013), Paolo Sorrentino, B+
The Last Days on Mars (2013), Ruairi Robinson, C
Rock the Casbah (2013), Yair Horowitz, B
Michael Kohlhaas (2013), Arnaud des Pallieres, C-
Fill the Void (2013), Rama Burshtein, B-
Hannah Arendt (2013), Margarethe von Trotta, A-
After Earth (2013), M. Night Shyamalan, B

Films Seen 3/9 – 4/14

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, April 14th, 2013


The Legend of the Lone Ranger (1981), William A. Fraker, D
The Plot Against Harry (1969/1989), Michael Roemer, A+
Fallen Angel (1945), Otto Preminger, B+
No Place on Earth (2012), Janet Tobias, B
Jurassic Park (1993), Steven Spielberg, A
Eden (2013), Megan Griffiths, B+
Close Up (1990), Abbas Kiarostami, B+
The Traveler (1974), Abbas Kiarostami, A-
The Croods (2013), Chris Sanders, B
Blancanieves (2013), Pablo Berger, A-
Olympus Has Fallen (2013), Antoine Fuqua, B-
GI Joe: Retaliation (2013), Jon Chu, C
The Company You Keep (2013), Robert Redford, B-
Simon Killer (2013), Antonio Campos, B+
Stories We Tell (2013), Sarah Polley, B
The Host (2013), Andrew Niccol, C+
Disconnect (2013), Henry Alex Rubin, D+
Legend (1985), Ridley Scott, B-
The Angels’ Share (2013), Ken Loach, C-
The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled (2012), Ryan Polito, C
Her Master’s Voice (2012), Nina Conti, B-
Road Comics: Big Work on Small Stages (2013), Hillary Demmon and Robert Clift, D
The Brotherhood of the Traveling Rants (2013), Bryan Gaynor, D-
Women Aren’t Funny (2013), Bonnie McFarlane and Rich Vos, F
Upstream Color (2013), Shane Carruth, A
Zero Charisma (2013), Katie Graham and Andrew Matthews, A-
Awful Nice (2013), Todd Sklar, C
The World is Funny (2012), Shemi Zarhin, B
Scary Movie 5 (2013), David Zucker, C
Wake in Fright (1971), Ted Kotcheff, A-
Masters of the Universe (1987), Gary Goddard, B+
The Manor (2013), Shawney Cohen, B+
The Brass Teapot (2013), Ramaa Mosely, B-

Films Seen 2/9 – 3/8

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Friday, March 8th, 2013


Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Irvin Kershner, A-
Yossi and Jagger (2002), Eytan Fox, C
Robot Jox (1989), Stuart Gordon, B-
Outside Satan (2011), Bruno Dumont, C+
Admission (2013), Paul Weitz, B+
I Declare War (2013), Jason Lapeyre and Robert Wilson, B+
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi, Richard Marquand, A-
Shrek Forever After (2010), Mike Mitchell, B-
Red Flag (2013), Alex Karpovsky, C+
Rubberneck (2013), Alex Karpovsky, B
Almost in Love (2013), Sam Neave, C
The Place Beyond the Pines (2013), Derek Cianfrance, A
Safe Haven (2013), Lasse Halstrom, D
Beautiful Creatures (2013), Richard LaGravanese, B
Like Someone in Love (2013), Abbas Kiarostami, B+
Kai Po Che! (2013), Abhishek Kapoor, C
21 & Over (2013), Jon Lucas and Scott Moore, B-
War Witch (2013), Kim Nguyen, B+
Stoker (2013), Park Chan-Wook, A-
Snitch (2013), Ric Roman Waugh, B-
Deranged (2012), Park Jung Woo, B
Philip Roth Unmasked (2013), Livia Manera and William Karel, C-
The Invisible Man (1933), James Whale, A
The Island of Lost Souls (1933), Erle C. Kenton, B
K-11 (2013), Jules Stewart, D
Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance (2002), Park Chan Wook, B+
Jack The Giant Slayer (2013), Bryan Singer, C+
Oz: The Great And Powerful (2013), Sam Raimi, B
Dead Man Down (2013), Niels Arden Oplev, D
Beyond the Hills (2013), Christian Mungiu, A


Jordan | No News Is Good News | Thursday, March 7th, 2013

chirp chirp.

I’m gonna add something here soon. At least a list of the many, many films I’ve watched since I last updated. Just haven’t had the time. And when I have had the time, the last thing I want to do is write.

Films Seen 1/1 – 2/8

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal,No News Is Good News | Friday, February 8th, 2013


Okay, here’s the deal.

I just don’t have the time to link to all the movies I reviewed in the past 5 weeks. Sorry. All of my reviews are either at ScreenCrush, or Badass Digest.

Each of those links goes to an author page where you can, in the words of James Franco, look at my shit. Almost all of these films are reviewed at those 3 outlets. I’ll try to update this blog more regularly so putting in outbound links isn’t such a chore. Either that or get an intern.

Here’s what’s been going down.

Crystal Fairy (2013), Sebastian Silva, A-
May in the Summer (2013), Cherien Dabis, C+
Moo Man (2013), Andy Heathcote, C-
Mud (2013), Jeff Nichols, B
Pussy Riot: A Punk Prayer (2013), Mike Lerner and Maksim Posdorovkin, C
Don Jon’s Addiction (2013), Joseph Gordon-Levitt, B+
Computer Chess (2013), Andrew Bujalski, B+
Kill Your Darlings (2013), John Krokidas, A-
The Lifeguard (2013), Liz Garcia, D
S-VHS (2013), Multiple Directors, B
Aint Them Bodies Saints (2013), David Lowery, B+
The East (2013), Zal Batmanglij, B
Escape From Tomorrow (2013), Randy Moore, A
Before Midnight (2013), Rick Linklater, A
Blue Caprice (2013), Alexandre Moors, B+
The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman (2013), Frederik Bond, F
Prince Avalanche (2013), David Gordon Green, A
Upstream Color (2013), Shane Carruth, A-
Ass Backwards (2013), Chris Nelson, C
Magic Magic (2013), Sebastian Silva, A-
The Square (2013), Jehane Noujaim, A-
In a Worlds (2013), Lake Bell, C
The Spectacular (2013), James Ponsoldt, A-
Eolomea (1972), Hermann Zschoche, B
Koch (2013), Neil Barsky, B+
Side Effects (2013), Steven Soderbergh, A-
Caesar Must Die (2013), Paolo and Vittorio Taviani, A-
Warm Bodies (2013), Jonathan Levine, B
Broken City (2013), Allen Hughes, B-
A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan (2013), Roman Coppola, B-
Identity Thief (2013), Seth Gordon, D-
And Everything Is Going Fine (2010), Steven Soderbergh, B+
Like Someone In Love (2013), Abbas Kiarostami, B+

Published Work December 2012

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal,No News Is Good News | Tuesday, January 1st, 2013



Oh, my poor blog. Once a vibrant place, now a ghost town. Yes, I still jot down the titles and letter grades of movies I see, but that’s about it (and only once or twice a month.)

In 2013 I’m going to try and get some more activity going on in here. Of course, I don’t get paid for anything I write here, and I do make a living by placing articles elsewhere on the web, so spending TOO much time on this blog is counterproductive at best and a sign of forthcoming destitution at worse.

So, for starters, I’m going to make sure that I link to all my published work that you can find strewn about the Internet. The fact that I don’t really do that already is a bit of a failure on my part.

Here, then, are stories I placed during the month of December. I hope to do a similar round up once a week. We’ll see.

Top 20 Movies of 2012
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Review
Promised Land Review
Les Miserables Review
The Guilt Trip Review
Parental Guidance Review
The Hobbit: 6 Things We Learned After Chatting With the Cast


Quartet Review
Django Unchained Review
This is 40 Review
Stand Up Guys Review
In Our Nature Review
Report from Butt Numb-a-Thon


10 Most Anticipated Movies of 2013
Deadfall Review
Beware of Mr. Baker Review

David Cronenberg Talks ‘Cosmopolis,’ High Frame Rates, And ‘Bullshit’ Oscars
Matthew McConaughey Ready To ‘Put Those Leathers On Again’ For Awards Season And ‘Magic Mike 2′
WATCH: Trailer For ‘Upstream Color,’ From ‘Primer’ Writer-Director Shane Carruth
‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2′ First Look: Dane DeHaan Is Your New Harry Osborn
Lawbreakers, Unite: After NYFCC Awards, Is Matthew McConaughey An Oscar Contender?

One Trek Mind #52: TNG Season Two Theatrical Event
One Trek Mind #53: Spitballing The Trailer
One Trek Mind #54: Memories Of Ezri
One Trek Mind #55: No Trouble With Tribbles

21 Geek Movies That Hollywood Should Make Next

Kvelling and Kvetching with Barbra Streisand and Seth Rogen


Most ‘Lord of the Rings’-y Moments in ‘The Hobbit’
A Fanboy Guide: How to Prepare For ‘The Hobbit’
How We’re Spending Our Christmas Break on Planet Fanboy
Planet Fanboy’s Best Moments of 2012

Critical Reassessment: ‘Heaven’s Gate’ And 11 More Films That Have Been Reconsidered Over Time

Films Seen 12/17 – 12/31

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Tuesday, January 1st, 2013


The Guilt Trip (2012), Anne Fletcher, C
Parental Guidance (2012), Andy Fickman, F
Luv (2013), Sheldon Candis, C-
Quartet (2012), Dustin Hoffman, C-
Harry and Tonto (1974), Paul Mazursky, B+
Stand Up Guys (2012), Fisher Stevens, C
Easy Rider (2012), James Benning, No Grade
Face of Another (1966), Hiroshi Teshigahara, A-
Policeman (2011), Nadav Lapid, B+
The Cut-Off Man (2012), Idan Hubel, C-
Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013), John Luessenhop, C+
Numbered (2012), Dana Doron and Uriel Sinai, C+
How to Re-Establish a Vodka Empire (2012), Daniel Edelstyn, C
The Ballad of the Weeping Spring (2012), Beni Torati, B
Reconversao (2012), Thom Anderson, D
Cabaret-Berlin: The Wild Scene (2010), Fabienne Rousso-Lenoir, A-

Films Seen 11/23 – 12/16

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, December 16th, 2012


Thor (2011), Kenneth Branagh, B+
Zero Dark Thirty (2012), Kathryn Bigelow, A
Deadfall (2012), Stefan Ruzowitzky, D
Beware of Mr. Baker (2012), Jay Bulger, A-
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012), Peter Jackson, C+
Les Miserables (2012), Tom Hooper, B
Teen Wolf (1985), Rod Daniel, B+
Broadway Melody of 1940 (1940), Norman Taurog A-
The Gang’s All Here (1943), Busby Berekley, B-
Mama (2013), Andres Muschietti, B-
Libeled Lady (1936), Jack Conway, A-
Nightmare Alley (1947), Edmund Goulding, B+
White Heat (1949), Raoul Walsh, A-
Rollerball (1975), Norman Jewison, B+
Bullet to the Head (2013), Walter Hill, D
In Our Nature (2012), Brian Savelson, D
Arbitrage (2012), Nicholas Jarecki, C-
Django Unchaines (2012), Quentin Tarantino, B+
Stand Up Guys (2012), Fisher Stevens, C
The Syrian Bride (2004), Eran Riklin, B-
Ted (2012), Seth MacFarlane, B
Fateful Findings (2012), Neil Breen, A+

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