Blasphemy time on the SS Fun. I am here to announce that “Tokyo Story,” one of the most beloved films by scholars and critics throughout the world, may just be the most boring picture I’ve ever seen. Not only is it boring, it is (at least according to the DVD commentary) intentionally boring for the purposes of realism. The film’s intent is to guilt trip the audience for not calling their parents. Thing is, the parents in this movie are so stinking annoying and dull that I found myself siding with the ingrate, modern, city-dwelling bastard kids that Ozu hoped we’d be hissing at. It took me three long stretches to make it through this film. . .the worst part was falling asleep during one attempt and dreaming I was in the world of the movie, with those smiling, passive-agressive old Japanese parents harrassing me from 1953. “Oh, if it isn’t too much bother, we’d like to see the city.” Fuck you. If my parents acted like you I’d run to the city, reject my agrarian past and embrace modernity too, you lame, smiling, sitting-on-the-floor no good schmuck! And, that’s another thing — what’s with Japanese people sitting on the floor? How is it that they have one of the most vibrant world economies, yet they can’t seem to find a chair? Forgive me if this sounds racist, but it is just a fact: it isn’t comfortable on the floor — especially if you are elderly. Maybe that’s why everyone in this movie was miserable — their backs hurt. Anyway, you can go to the comments on the imdb and read how brilliant this film is. It is all bullshit. And I’m not afraid of slow movies if they are doing something and keeping me entertained. I love Tarkovksy, Jarmusch even Godard when he is just flashing signs on the screen and reading from a philosophy text. But if you are gonna be slow and annoying at the same time, I have no time for you.