I expected gore. I expected a movie with a lack of subtlety. I expected anti-semitism. There was one thing I wasn’t anticipating. This movie is BORING. The first 45 minutes are confusing and desultory — then FINALLY there is some violence. To answer a few key questions: I didn’t see this in the theater. I got it bootlegged on the subway for $5 on DVD. The quality of the transfer isn’t great, but it is not any worse than a previously viewed VHS. Anyway, the thing that sucks most about this boring, plot-less movie is that it is totally for insiders. As other critics have pointed out (and the two funniest and best reviews I’ve read have been by two of my heroes, Katha Pollitt and Kerry Douglas Dye) the proverbial aliens from Mars would have no clue as to what is going on in this film. The only backstory, the only thing in the film to make you care about the dude getting beat up and all the women wailing, is a flashback of him making a table. So all of my future screenplays will have table-making scenes in them, in the hopes of grossing a few extra hundred million. But as someone who has seen a lot of Jesus films, I was able to follow most of it. Whenever I wondered “who the hell is that guy?” he would get offstage and I wouldn’t worry about it anymore. Anyway, the real epiphany I had watching TPOTC was this: This isn’t a “real” movie. It’s a special interest title for enthusiasts. Like those skateboarding tapes shot on grainy stock or a Yes concert from the 80s with cheesy video graphics. If you live for skating — or for the harmonies of Jon Anderson and Chris Squire — you’ll dig those movies no matter what. If you are really keen on Jesus, you’ll dig TPOTC. I like a good legit Jesus flick: “King of Kings,” while it dabbles a bit in kitsch, is a great production; “Barabbas” is a fantastic picture; “Jesus Christ Superstar” kicks much ass. Gibson’s heavy-handed, inarticulate and lumbering movie has none of the integrity of those other films. Two other points. If Gibson is so keen on verisimilitude (although with the exception of J.C.’s feet getting nailed, I didn’t find the gore THAT bad) why are all the characters white? Only Simon of Syrene looks like he could live in Judea. Also, anyone who says this film isn’t anti-Semetic is an idiot. That’s not a reason to dislike the film, though. The shoeshine scene between Fred Astaire and the “Shoeshine Boy” in “The Bandwagon” is abhorrantly racist, yet it’s still a great film.