Nobody knows how to serve up garbage like this like Ridley Scott.

An absolutely gorgeous picture, really, with some of the finest production design and cinematography I’ve ever seen. . . with some of the most ponderous dialogue, wretched acting and baffling story development (if you can call it that) to go along with it.

I actually started this (very long) movie over again, because I was convinced that surely I was missing something.

It’s a disgrace. It’s a disgrace to epic filmmaking. It has the technical gloss of a Lawrence of Arabia, but makes about as much sense as, oh, Marvel’s “Iron Man vs. Dr. Doom.” And that’s saying something.