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A Gorn! An M-Fing Gorn!

These last few episodes of Enterprise, when they knew it was all ending, are like giant circle jerks of massive interstellar fan service. From every quadrant of the galaxy, fans are wanked as Gorn, Tholians and smooth-forehead Klingons tie up everything you ever wanted to know about Star Trek but were afraid to ask.

More machinations aboard the ISS Enterprise, with T’Pol, Soval and Phlox (kinda) hoping to bring the Empire to some sense of reason. . .or, at least, reduced tyranny.

Not so much. Best ending ever? Hoshi Sato in black panties rising to the rank of Empress. Holy flurking schnit!

It’s important I keep it together when I write about this.

Mirror, Mirror is the reason I am a Star Trek fan. Maybe even a science-fiction fan. I’ve never had my mind so incredibly blows as that first time I saw the pre-title sequence of Episode #33.

I can’t say every follow-up episode DS9 did the Mirror Universe was perfect, but I always loved checking back in with that group.

What is so great about In A Mirror, Darkly is that we are seeing this world NOT through the eyes of a traveller. We’re just there. (And we’ve got the opening credits to prove it.)

It’s great to see Phlox and Reed create the Agony Booth and it is great to see the Empire and its relationship to non-Terrans. Once the Tholian shows up (!) and the missing Defiant (!!) replete with its primary colors and sound effects, well, I nearly passed out. Until. . . .

Homina homina homina.

This Mudd’s Women-esque episode pays lip service to the contrary, but this is some sexist shit.

Also: in the words of Milhous van Houten – when are they gonna’ get to the Magnesite deposits!?!?

For a two-part episode born, really, out of fan service (why do the Klingons have smooth foreheads in TOS?) this manages to be a lot of fun on its own terms. The moment when Captain Hernandez must bring the Columbia close enough so its Warp Bubble can envelop the Enterprise’s and Tucker can zip from one to another is really quite fun. I’ve often wondered about transwarp physics in relation to other objects in subspace, so it was great to see this visualized.

It’s also great to see an episode with Phlox as the hero. Pound for pound, Phlox is really the best thing about Enterprise.

Q’aplaH!

Section 31 is back (and sneaky Malcolm works for ‘em) and they’re doing something wacky with the Klingons.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think we’re about to see some inadvertent removals of some cranial ridges!

Note: this episode has one of the more interesting visualizations of a mind meld. When T’Pol melds with Hoshi to try and recall something she overheard in a foreign tongue (Rigellians kidnaping Phlox!) T’Pol enters a reenactment Annie Hall-style.

So the ship that the Romulans are using to put a wedge between the Tellarites and Andorians is being run remotely, with the power of a highly telepathic albino, blind Andorian known as an Aenar. Archer and Shran are off to find one of their kind to counteract. And it means going to the world of ice bores in the hidden, norther realms of Andoria. Shran’s soon-to-be new g.f. must put her head in a bucket of lite brites to try and contact her brother and stop the Romulan disruption!

The Terrans, Tellarites, Andorians and Vulcans all shaking hands to for an alliance against the Romulans??! Right there aboard the NX-01??!? Sorry, I must have. . .something in my eye. . .

Journey to Babel! The prequel!

Tellarites on board, en route to a trade negotiation. Then an Andorian ship is attacked (poor Shran!) and the refugees are on the same ship. Archer will bring peace – if they don’t all kill themselves first.

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After the awful episode Daedelus, we snap back into something good and classic. The NX-01 goes to visit a planet that is rife with an Andromeda Strain-ish virus. “Someone always dies” say the observing Organians (remember them?) They use this is a great observation post to see how other species deal with harrowing situations. But is it right to resist interference? Lucky for Hoshi and Trip, Archer (and Phlox) say it ain’t so.

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Awful. Feels like a Season 1 TNG episode. All that was missing was Data asking what is love? Really poor and the guy playing the old man might be the most dreadful guest star actor since Padma Lakshmi.

More! More! More!

Now Soval (who I always KNEW would wind up being a good guy) joins forces w/ Trip and Shran (!) to fight off the evil infiltration within the Vulcan High Command.

Don’t feel bad, Vulcans, there are gonna be at least 3 times this’ll happen on Earth. (Or Khitomer.)

T’Pol wraps things up by getting a divorce, but not before we get a glimpse at a Romulan!

Yes! Surak’s Katra is in Archer – and he’s in league with T’Pau to reform Vulcan thought. AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!

Okay, Enterprise has officially poured a gallon of Saurian Brandy on its flame of Fan Service – but who can complain. This is insane!!!

Good Lord, the amount of Fan Service in this episode (”Who said logic is the cement of our civilization, with which we ascend from chaos using reason as our guide?”) is absolutely unreal. And awesome. And so is the whole episode, which posits that that pain-in-the-ass Vulcan High Command has been corrupt this whole time (I knew it!) and Vulcans need to change in order for TOS to make sense.

They got our letters!

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Pound for pound this episode may have more deep cut references to other Trek lore than any other.

Other than that, standard “wrap it up” episode to a multi-episode arc.

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Wait, why do all the Augments have the exact same tears in their clothing? And who expected That Guy to end up being Phlox’s friend Dr. Lucas?

Data and Big Show, together at last!

Dr. Arik “I Guess I’m Related to Noonian” Soong is scribbling away in his jail cell, when he really wants to be out there helping the children. Too bad they are Khan-esque Augments ready to (once again) take over the world.

Even though official canon negates the awesomeness of Greg Cox’s Eugenics Wars trilogy, this is fun, meaty stuff for a Trek fan.

Spiner’s Arik Soong takes the NX-01 into the breach, trying (so he claims) to stave off a Terran/Klingon conflict, but they run afoul of the Orion Syndicate (and WWE Superstar Big Show.) Kidnappings and double crossings ensue, only to get more complex over the next two episodes.

Much like the heralded TNG episode Family, the crew of the Enterprise need to lick their wounds after near-death adventure by fighting with their loved ones.

T’Pol brings Trip back to Vulcan and Archer climbs a mountain with some chick we’ve never seen before. The rest go drinkin’.

A really cool NEWS ON THE MARCH opening can’t change the fact that, I dunno, Aliens and Nazis working together is kinda dumb. When this episode ends, and it takes the Suliban and the Temporal Cold War with it, no one complains.