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Meet The Rozgerettes

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Thursday, October 18th, 2007

Please say hello to Olivia Aldrin Rozger and Phoebe Beckett Rozger. As the one responsible for the meeting of Jason and Melissa, I anticipate a full ten percent of their gross as this pair of tall blonde girls commences to make a fortune – first in cereal commercials, then a bit part in a remake of The Shining, then, eventually, wacky romantic comedies aimed at Tweens.



The Levys Meet Brian Lehrer

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Monday, October 15th, 2007


A summit of some of my favorite New Yorkers: The Levys took their Panorama Challenge to the Brian Lehrer Show.

The MP3 is available below. It’s awesome.

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (2007), Yves Simoneau, B+

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007


For a made-for-cable movie this is pretty damned good. It gets talky at times, but the “discourse,” if you will, isn’t dumbed down that much. This is more The West Wing than A Man Called Horse. Indeed, one of its strongest attributes is how much it downplays the imagery of soaring eagles or meditative great spirits that seems to be a necessity in every other film I’ve ever seen about Native Americans. This is (for the most part) played straight and its a better film for it.

Le Cinema Est Roi!

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Saturday, September 1st, 2007

(best part about this is the use of the word “douche.” From La Voir.)

(États-Unis, Kerry Douglas Dye et Jordan Hoffman)

Body/Antibody de Kerry Douglas Dye et Jordan Hoffman.

Body/Antibody de Kerry Douglas Dye et Jordan Hoffman.
Obsessif-compulsif, Kip (Robert Gomes) ne quitte presque jamais son appartement de Manhattan, qu’il nettoie à répétition. Lui-même se douche cinq fois par jour et se lave parfois tellement les mains qu’elles en saignent. Lorsqu’il rencontre Celine (Leslie Kendall), une nouvelle voisine de palier, sa petite vie rangée se voit chamboulée. Le scénario est inspiré des propres expériences de Kerry Douglas Dye, qui souffrait d’une peur maladive des germes jusqu’à ce que cette dernière soit surpassée par son désir de contact sexuel. Ceci donne d’abord lieu à une comédie romantique joliment tordue, qui glisse graduellement vers le film noir, alors que l’ex violent (Frank Deal) de Celine débarque et pousse Kip à faire des trucs particulièrement salissants! À la fois drôle, sexy et troublant, Body/Antibody mérite que vous sortiez de votre appartement pour aller le voir. (30-31 août; 2-3 sept.)

22 Pieces of Flair

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007


Two pretty entertaining pieces have gone up at UGO.  The Top 11 Classy Assassins (which I did not write) and the Top 11 Uses of Classic Rock in Cinema (which I did.)

Please read both over and over again and then send to your workmates and make them do the same.  We’re all in this together.

Body/Antibody is 3 for 3!

Jordan | E-motions,No News Is Good News,Tales Of Hoffman | Monday, August 20th, 2007


I believe that when God invented the blog His primary reason was so that independent filmmakers could crow about their moderate success. To that end, I would like to congratulate Mr. Kerry Douglas Dye, Mr. Robert Gomes, Ms. Leslie Kendall, Mr. Raoul Germain and myself for being prized with the Audience Award for Best Feature at the Rhode Island International Film Festival.

I still think awards for films are a dumb idea. . .for established filmmakers. For we insurgents still struggling to get our voices heard, they are a blessing.

For those keeping score, this is award #5 at our third fest. The biggie is in 2 weeks, though — Montreal. We’re not in competish (dastardly French!) but we’re hoping we get reviewed. If anyone knows anybody we could bribe to make that happen, please get in touch.

Max Roach

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Sunday, August 19th, 2007


Max Roach has died. His friend and personal alarm clock (“Good morning MAX!!”) Phil Schaap has scheduled a week-long marathon memorial on WKCR.

I am not the man to eulogize Max Roach. I’ll just say that he was the beat of bebop and, if you check your favorite jazz albums, you’ll find that he’s playing on 9 out of 10 of ‘em.

I saw him perform a few times. Once in a “supersession” environment at the Blue Note, where he played it stylish and cool. Similarly at the Charlie Parker fest in Tompkins Square. But I’ll never forget the time, late in the evening midsummer on the campus of Columbia University – he and Cecil Taylor, neither of them young men, got up on the bandstand and just fuckin’ wailed for a breathless forty-five minutes. No charts, no pause, no mercy. Absolutely unbelievable.

Max Roach was an artists, a civil rights leader and a very cool New Yorker. It was cool knowing he was always around, ready to call Phil Schaap up and give him shit, and still working the clubs. With Max Roach gone there are perhaps no true living links to the golden age of bebop still around. Listen to Max Roach.

Super Bad Dance Off and Come Ons

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Thursday, August 16th, 2007


I don’t normally shill for the Man on my own blog, but I think JH.c readers will be tickled by the current Dance moves and pick-up line contest UGO is running with the cast & crew of Superbad.  Check it out and vote for your favorite.

But Before I Go

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Friday, July 13th, 2007



Check out Hoberman’s review of Manhattan on its 9 millionth 1-week revival.

Pale Male Brooklyn Style

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Wednesday, July 11th, 2007


Grand Army Plaza in Brooklyn has their own Pale Male.

La Chinoise at Film Forum!

Jordan | E-motions,No News Is Good News | Tuesday, July 10th, 2007


I rarely blog from work, but I just discovered that Film Forum will be showing La Chinoise from Oct 10 – Oct 18.  In the depth of my initial Godard-mania (Freshman/Sophomore year of college, natch) the only copy of La Chinoise I could find was in French with no subtitles.  And I watched it!

My French skills, while not at a Griswald level, are hardly adequate to follow a feature length film.  But I sat through the whole thing, ’cause, that’s what you do when you are that guy at that age.  Anyway, I’ll be thrilled to see (and hear, and understand) this for the first time in a theater.

Guss’ Takes on The Man

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Thursday, July 5th, 2007


I love this story. Guss’ takes no shit. Mess with Guss’ and you get burned.

It is high time for me to make a Guss’ pilgrimage. Alas, my new job doesn’t afford me the time to walk down there or even subway it down there midday, but my wallet has been fattened to the point where I can cab there & back without thinking to much about it. It’s, like, some strange cosmic balancing act.

From The NY Post


DILLICIOUS: Pickle-proud Patricia Fairhurst, outside Guss’ on the Lower East Side, says Whole Foods undermines her with a rival product.

July 5, 2007 — It’s a case of the big pickle versus the little gherkin.
A pickle peddler says she’s soured on trendy Whole Foods, claiming the chain of supermarkets has been buying legendary Guss’ Pickles from a Bronx rival she accuses of ripping off the famous name.

“Whole Foods is selling the pickles [as if ] they are coming from the Lower East Side’s Guss’ Pickles,” said owner Patricia Fairhurst. “They never came from me. I am Guss’ Pickles.”

The briny brouhaha stems from a legal battle between Fairhurst’s 85-year-old store on Orchard Street in the Lower East Side and another business, United Pickle in The Bronx.

Fairhurst insists that United Pickle stop using the Guss’ name synonymous with sours and dills.

Both sides are due in Manhattan federal court July 16 to fight over the name – but Fairhurst accuses Whole Foods in the meantime of using the Guss’ Pickles brand to sell a rival’s inferior product in a new Bowery store.

A Whole Foods Market spokesman, however, insisted that United Pickle – run by the Leibowitz family – is the true purveyor of the pickle name.

“We believe we are selling the original Guss’ pickles,” said spokesman Fred Shank.

“United Pickle has been making Guss’ pickles for 85 years,” Shank said, adding that when Fairhurst switched suppliers “she was no longer sticking to the original Guss’ pickles recipe.”

But Shank offered an olive branch to Fairhurst yesterday.

“We are always looking for new products and if they [Fairhurst] meet our quality standards it might be a product we are interested in.”

Erica Harrison, co-owner of 88 Orchard Café, across from Guss’, described Whole Foods decision to stock the pickles as “awful.”

“She is a very hard-working honest woman who bought a business based on its history and place in the neighborhood,” Harrison said, adding that the eatery supplies a slice of Guss’ Pickles with every sandwich.

If I Had Any Cojones At All

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Wednesday, July 4th, 2007

I’d be one of these guys.

I Have A Man-Crush On Keith Olbermann

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Wednesday, July 4th, 2007

Flipping channels late last night, I caught this “Special Comment” from beginning to end and was left slackjawed. Keith bascially says “F You” to Bush and Cheney for ten minutes. . .but since he is such a great writer and rhetorical speaker he needen’t resort to the simple speech of us bloggers. This is yet another Olbermann comment for the history books.


New York Doll (2005), Greg Whiteley, F

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal,No News Is Good News | Monday, June 25th, 2007


I may be being overly harsh, but this film, nearly frame-for-frame, is the perfect arguement against our culture’s obsessive proliferation with digital video documentaries about every artist who ever lived. One could argue that the New York Dolls could be the subject of a doc. Maybe. But a doc just on the bass player? The bass player??! Arthur “Killer” Kane used to be in the New York Dolls. Even back then he was mocked for being “a statue” on stage. Then he converted to Mormonism. “Oooooooh!” That’s the whole movie. Shots of him then with long hair, now with a white shirt. That’s it. That’s the whole fucking thing. Arthur Kane is, by the way, the most boring man on the planet. He has nothing to say. He is the least compelling interview subject in history. He looks wooden and mumbles and is probably thinking “why am I being interviewed?” Good stinkin’ question.

There’s a reunion concert. David Johansson lights up the room for 30 seconds. Then Kane drops dead. The movie ends on a sad note so people think they’ve seen something good. I hate to sound crass, but the filmmaker just lucked into that. If Kane didn’t die so unexpectedly, he’d have no film.

Body/Antibody Wins Multiple Awards at Brooklyn International Film Festival

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Monday, June 11th, 2007


I count two as “multiple,” don’t you?

Huzzah for Body/Antibody and its recent awards: Audience Award for Best Feature and Jury Award for Best Original Score (huzzah to Charlie Schmid on that one!)

Keep abreast on all Body/Antibody news at our website — we’ll have two more local screenings before this summer is up if you haven’t caught it yet.

Schadenfreude on an International Level

Jordan | No News Is Good News | Friday, June 8th, 2007

I’m not above talking (for just a minute) about Paris Hilton.

I can’t help but just feel a little sorry for her. Imagine you are in jail, then told you can go home, then told, essentially, PSYYYYYYYYCHE!!!! That might be creul and unusual punishment.

And she, herself, isn’t really evil. She’s just a representative of evil. If it were Cheney, then we’d have a different story.

Still — it’s like a month in a studio apartment. Meals brought to your door. If there were access to a decent library, you could actually get a lot accomplished. Imagine how much reading you would do if you were FORCED to stay in a little room all day for a month. Doesn’t really sound that bad, does it?


Jordan | No News Is Good News | Tuesday, June 5th, 2007


Whereas most people are content to release one book, Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz (never one for subtlety) has released FOUR (with a fifth on the way!)

You can sniff them out and buy them here. Apparantly the book entitled “Hot Teen Slut” has a poem called “Jordan” and I am frightened to death about what it may say. (If it doesn’t mention playing Marvel vs. Superfriends on company time then I will be very disappointed.)

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