Jordan Hoffman Dot Com

Bold statement:

Of all the pre-packaged and mass produced cookies out there, these are the best.

Please click on this.

Although I disagree with his take completely, it is remarkable to see mouth-breathing genre film fans try and match wits with Dr. Jurgen Fauth, a man who dared to dislike The Dark Knight. You can read over 100 comments from people calling him gay and dumb and, my favorite, a hat-wearing Brooklynite.

I’ve known the joys of disagreeing with Jurgen for years, so I’m glad to see that others are getting their chance. Will his probably five star review of “Clone Wars” garner the same effect?

I saw this video at a museum a million years ago and never thought I’d see it again. It is the greatest thing you’ll ever see.

Where the hell did these awesome things come from? Why am I just learning about them now?

More here.

This never gets old.

I doubt there’s a day when I don’t smile and think “God bless Queens.”

I can’t imagine another place where you go to the supermarket and, under a display of fresh fruit, there are jars of minced garlic, saran wrapped figs and plastic containers of STP motor oil.

Where else will you call for a cab and a van shows up with a 20 year old dude driving with his girlfriend in the passenger seat and a karaoke DVD blasting ABBA and the Bee Gees at full volume?

Where else can you go to the bagel store and see a Gotti kid is full grey sweat suit (but with his ass still hangin’ out) yelling in to his cell phone online instead of paying his bill? Was this the same knucklehead I overheard the night before yelling into his phone: “I don’t got no beef with those guys? But if I go there and there’s beef….then there’s gonna be beef!”

It is very important that IDrinkYourMilkshake.com achieve top ranking in Google for searches of the phrease I Drink Your Milkshake. A blog post like this can only help.

I try to keep away from lashon hora, but I can’t hold it in anymore. The Cup is the worst restaurant in Astoria.

No - it isn’t just that the food is bad (actually there’s a Mexican place on 30th Ave and around 29th St that is far worse; and there’s a Chinese place on 23rd Ave also on 29th that, seriously, is serving poison) it is the WASTE. What a perfect location! Right across from the Moving Image Museum, right near the big-ass mainstream cinema, near the subway… And what a sizable place! And the food is just….awful!

Awful!

A good writer cites examples, but I don’t want to remember the dread of putting their food in my mouth. How do you fuck up french fries???! Ugh.

I know I’ll be going there again - the location is too perfect - but I’m only ordering toast and soda.

Pretty stinkin’ cool. (Though would it kill him to smile?)

I’m always going on and on about the fabulous desserts you can get here in Astoria. But sometimes a for-the-masses treat equals perfection. If you’ve never had a Neapolitan Klondike Bar, you are missing out.

Yesterday Ann & I went out for tea and/or coffee on Steinway St. We went to the fun Egyptian place Eastern Nights that looks nothing like it did a few years back when the Village Voice or Queens Gazette reviewed it. I’m guessing ownership changed hands beacause the decor is straight up EPCOT Center (by which I mean, totally fantastic) in its faux Egyptology. There were a pack of English speaking local “of the Orient” kids and a quartet of fellow tourists in there ahead of us, all enjoying huffs on their hookahs. I passed (although I asked Ann if she thought they had an Albuterol blend) and drank, instead, the horrible clove-ridden mud that is Turkish Coffee. This is not my first time drinking it, nor is it my first time enjoying it. Indedd, of the latter, I am still waiting for that to happen.

Anyway, we noticed that the gang of four to our right were playing what looked like an old tyme Backgammon set. Oddly enough, just today Ann was cleaning out a closet and game upon many games of skill and chance that we’ve collected over the years. Including a Backgammon board. Neither of us know how to play.

“But it is a 2000 year old game! And it says Ages 7 & Up! How difficult could it be?”

Well, after reading the instructions three times I feel like the biggest idiot on the face of the Earth. I just - I just can’t make heads or tails of what the hell they are talking about. But children play this game! Not just children, but ANCIENT children? As they were dying of the Black Death they played this? Why can’t I make sense of the rules?

So, someone, please read this and get back to me.

On the road and not much time to blog.  Will report back in a few days.

Yes I am now on the Face Book. I can not deny that it is a “user friendly app” as they say. I had been ignoring it because I figured it would be like the My Space and I absolutely hate the My Space. The My Space always makes my computer crash.

Facebook, however, is relatively clean and neat.

I was supposed to clean the apartment on Saturday, but instead I spent all day on Facebook. I have two categories of friends there. Old college chums that I haven’t really talked to in ten years and the clowns I see at work every day. And that’s it.

I was able to get in touch with an old professor I always thought was cool and one old friend that I am truly excited to be back in touch with, as all other roads to him had disappeared. So, yes, Facebook is cool. But I refuse to look at it anymore today. Because I have to do something old school, like write in my blog.

A project many months in the making at UGO.

Who would win in a fight: A Minotaur armed with a Trident, or a Centaur armed with a Crossbow?

I have a very real opinion on this, but before I share, why not watch a video to see what “The Stars” think.

Stars range from George Clooney & Tiger Woods to Pee-Wee Herman & “The Beastmaster.”

Enjoy!