Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), Tommy Lee Wallace, C

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Saturday, August 8th, 2009

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One of the most controversial horror films of the early 1980s. . .not because of it being overly violent, but because it didn’t have Michael Myers in it!

Legend has it that John Carpenter always wanted to make Halloween films more in an anthology – but once people saw Michael Myers chasing Jaime Lee Curtis that’s all they wanted.

Now – add to this the inscrutable plot about a world where every kid wears the same scary mask and watches the same TV channel (that will turn them into a giant pile of bugs. . .or a robot) and you have one stupid, yet still slightly entertaining, film.

Inglourious Basterds (2009), Quentin Tarantino, A-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Saturday, August 8th, 2009

World’s Greatest Dad (2009), Bobcat Goldthwait, C

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

The Last Starfighter (1984), Nick Castle, B+

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

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Wow, this movie really holds up. Maybe not the Gen Zero CG effects, but the story. What was always genius about this was that the space war, albeit awesome, is secondary to the extended cast of characters. It’s a really sweet film. I remember the Beta Unit just killing when I saw this in the theaters way back when.

The Baader-Meinhof Comples (2009), Uli Edel, B

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

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It’s been days since I watched this and I’m still thinking it over. That’s a good sign.

Listen, the subject matter is so inherently fascinating that it has to be fascinating. But I think movies like Patty Hearst and La Chinoise go places this movie can’t go. It has no unifying vision. I don’t know if it really has anything to say, other than to try and recreate stuff.

Really cool costumes though.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009), Stephen Sommers, B

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

Reading is a drag.

Click below to view my “InstaReview.”

Dreams With Sharp Teeth (2008), Erik Nelson, B-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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Continuing the tradition than anyone who ever did anything at any time will have their own documentary, iconoclastic SF author Harlan Ellison gets his turn.

Luckily, for us, he’s a funny dude, so this movie, while altogether pointless, is at least entertaining.

Best is when Ellison gives us some dramatic readings of his work – Prince Myshkin, And Hold The Relish in its entirety on the bonus tracks is the best thing on here. Listening to other people, some of whom are total nobodies, tell you how brilliant Ellison is gets tired real fast.

Counterpoint, VOY 5

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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We all knew Voyager had it in there somewhere – a perfect episode. One worthy of A Taste of Armageddon or Yesterday’s Enterprise. One with reversals and double-reverses and actual interesting camerawork.

The baddies, the DeVore, won’t let you through their space without frequent checks to see if you are harboring telepaths. This causes a problem (for Tuvok and Vorik) but also for the stowaway telepaths Voyager is rescuing from Devore concentration camps.

Then – a Devore defector comes to lead the ship to safety. And he liked Mahler and Tchaikovsky!

One of the few times I’ve finished a Voyager episode and instantly wanted to watch it again. It’s Kate Mulgrew’s favorite, too.

Star Trek IX: Insurrection

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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Oh, Insurrection. How you’ve been maligned. You’d think no one had ever taken down a rogue android by singing the HMS Pinafore before.

I remember when I first saw Insurrection 11 years ago. I was with a small group of friends and as the closing credits and theme rolled, the great John Schmit spoke loudly “Next, on Seinfeld!”

That kinda summed it up perfectly.

Thirty Days, VOY 5

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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I like consequences on Trek. When things end a little different than they begin. Tom Paris gets demoted from Lt. to Ensign – making the first demotion since Kirk himself was “bumped” down from Captain to Admiral. This time, though, it hurts.

Paris goes rogue, gives the Prime Directive the middle finger and destroys a desalinization plant (or something) to speed up congressional action over environmental issues (or something) on an ocean planet. Well, it sounds less exciting than it is.

Also, we finally see the Delaney Sisters – dressed in full on Captain Proton garb!!

Nothing Human, VOY 5

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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There’s a good episode – a GREAT episode – hidden in here, but it takes such a silly, roundabout route to get there.

B’Elanna is assaulted by an Alien-esque parasite and the Doctor needs to brush up of XenoExoBiology (or something) and, as such, needs to “consult” with the data in his computer. So he personifies it as a hologram – a Cardassian who, we discover, is an interstellar Josef Mengele.

It causes much trouble with the Bajorans, Maquis and others on the ship.

Why didn’t he just slap the information in the form of a Smurf, then?

It’s all just an excuse to determine when it is right to benefit off of the information gleaned from torture victims – a real world moral conundrum. But, as with many stories developed from the holodeck or holograms, it drives me crazy.

Cube Zero (2004), Ernie Barbarash, C-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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Ouch. Cube Zero takes much of the mystery of the (entertaining, but silly) Cube series and destroys it.

Some of the acting is so over the top it becomes pure camp. I enjoyed this, but I don’t think the Cube movies were ever meant to be funny.

Your best bet is to stick with the original and go no further.

Ponyo (2009), Hayao Miyazaki, C+

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, August 2nd, 2009

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My inability to enjoy anime is second only to my inability to enjoy brutal horror films. I just don’t care for the genre.

Ponyo does little to reverse the trend. I recognize the creativity (I like the giant growling waves) but I’d be lying to you if I didn’t say Ponyo annoyed me to death.

A year or so from now I’ll try another anime and, I’m sure, be disappointed again.

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