Month: January 2009

Blaze of Glory, DS9 5

Michael Eddington is called up from prison to stop cloaked Maquis missiles from attacking Cardassia Prime and forcing the Dominion to attack the Federation. He reluctantly aids Sisko in tracking the missiles down from their launch base, which turns out to be the final Maquis hideaway. There are no missiles, but the remaining Maquis need to be rescued from the Jem’Hadar. Eddington dies. An episode of ambiguities. With a wacky side-story including Martok and Nog (see...

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Displaced, VOY 3

Call me crazy, but I liked this episode. A simple adventure tale with lots and lots of action. Phaser ablaze as “confused” aliens start showing up on Voyager, replacing members of the crew. In time, we discover it is a plot to overtake the ship. Next thing you know, everyone is running around the ice planet of Hoth. Good...

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I Love You, Man (2009), John Hamburg, B

Not a movie about something that has “bro-mantic” elements – a movie about finding and acquiring a Bromance! A how-to mandate. Seems a little cooked up in a producer’s office, sure, but there’s some genuinely clever ideas tossed around in this mish-mosh of semen and Lou Ferrigno jokes. Anything that has the music of Rush as a central plot point can’t be all bad, but I question if John Hamburg has the chops to sculpt the improv arts of Paul Rudd and co. Some of what ends up on screen is a lot less funny than the people making this film thought it was. (You can’t force a catch phrase!) Still, I’ll be damned if I didn’t laugh and have a smile on my puss as I walked out of the...

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Pink Flamingos (1972), John Waters, A

Miss Edie: Babs, where do eggs come from? Babs Johnson: From little chickens, Mama. They lay them, and we eat them. Miss Edie: But suppose someday there weren’t any chickens. Would that mean there wouldn’t be any eggs? Babs Johnson: Oh, I don’t think you have to worry about that, Mama. Miss Edie: But… but is it true, Babs? lf there weren’t any chickens, there wouldn’t be any eggs? Is that true? Babs Johnson: I suppose so, Mama… but there will always be chickens. You can be sure of that. Miss Edie: But suppose someday it happens. Suppose someday there weren’t any chickens. Oh, Babs, what could I possibly do? And then the eggman wouldn’t have… he wouldn’t have a job. It might happen, Babs. What could I do? Babs Johnson: Now, Mama, that’s just egg paranoia. I think you’re being very silly. There will always be chickens. Why, there are so many chickens now… that we can eat some and let some of them live… in order to supply us with eggs. Chickens are plentiful, Mama. The world will never be without chickens. You can be sure of that. Miss Edie: Oh, Babs… IT COULD HAPPEN! IT COULD...

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Star Trek The Manga: Kakan ni Shinkou

The second of the three (soon to be four) Trek manga collections might be a little better than the first, but that doesn’t mean it is all good. One of the better stories is actually written by Wil Wheaton – lots of action as a landing party runs afoul of two warring societies. Another decent story has Kirk & co. on trial for some such reason and joining forces, kinda, with a Klingon. Also – some cool continuity in addressing Uhura’s post-Nomad mindsweep reeducation. I always wanted to know more about that. Noted Trek author Diane Duane has the longest entry – a rambling mess of a story that features someone who looks an awful lot like Wonder Woman. In all, a decent thing to read on the train ’cause it’ll easily fit in your coat...

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The 13th Warrior (1999), John McTiernan, C

It’s nice to say nice things, so let me say the cinematography on display is quite fantastic. From what I’ve gleaned, Michael Crichton’s Eaters of the Dead is an innovative reinterpretation of Beowulf. I get the sense they scratched that book over a cheese grater and the resultant shavings are the movie we have here. Antonio Banderas’ heavy Spanish accent makes him an unconvincing Arab nobleman, but that is the least of our worries. None of the characters have any meat to them and, while some of the battle/chase scenes are gruesome and cool, I’m left realizing how successful Zemeckis’ Beowulf was by...

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Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

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