Brother Theodore on Late Night with David Letterman in 1985

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

Back when Letterman was still something of a local New York show, he’d often have Brother Theodore, the performance artist and concentration camp victim, on as a guest. There’s nothing like this happening anywhere, anytime. Schaffer’s music choice is a nice nod.

Prof. Irwin Corey with Bob Fass on WBAI

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

It is my job to find shit like this on YouTube.

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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For some reason I have a summer cold (or sore throat at least) and it was too stinkin hot to go outside. So I stayed in. Did I take this opportunity to read one of the 50 or so unread books on my shelf? Did I take this opportunity to listen to new music? No – I mastered the art of running on walls in the 5 year old XBox game Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

The joke was on me. After devoting (literally) hours to this endeavor – including one weak moment when I had to resort to the Internet to figure out how to find one particularly squirrrely secret passageway (I went to a website with three letters in it; I’m embarrassed to say which) – I was shocked to learn that I had only completed 10% of the game. I was CERTAIN I was nearing the end.

As they say in ancient Persia: oy vey!

Heroes and Demons, VOY 1

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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Holodeck stories always make me cringe. This one does its best – its true benefit is to bring humanity to The Doctor as he goes on an “away mission” to a malfunctioning holodeck to rescue Harry Kim (natch) and those who went to rescue him. It is kinda fun to see this after the mostly-entertaining Beowulf film from last year – as the “holonovel” in question is, indeed, that particular tale.

Anyway, with resolve, The Doctor makes the glowy anomaly go away. Very first season TNG, I must say.

Through The Looking Glass, DS9 3

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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The mirror universe is back! And whenever you are in the mirror universe, everyone is hot! Kira is back in her silver pants waaaay to tight in the caboose and when she isn’t licking black men she’s gazing into the eyes of a ridiculously buxom slave girl. Jadzia finally gets her hair out of that ridiculous pony tail, shows of her outrageous rack and dons some deep purple. Even Dr. Bashir lets his hair down and looks tough and manly. Reeeowr all around!

This isn’t exactly the best mirror universe tale, but anything is better than nothing, plus it gives Sisko an opportunity to see his wife again, even if it isn’t her. Oh, and Rom gets impaled on a knife through the wall like the kid in the first Halloween movie. Awesome.

Distant Voices, DS9 3

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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All of my worst nightmares are in this episode. What you think is reality is just a parallel symbol of the true reality and if you don’t, like, wake up or fix or do something you’ll be dead. I don’t know if anyone else has this nightmare, but someone on DS9′s writing staff does and gave this scenario to Dr. Bashir. Siddig el Fadil gets to show off some of his acting chops by playing himself at multiple ages and does a fine job of it. This episode doesn’t really go anywhere, but I’m so taken with this initial premise that I’m grading it higher than I should

State of Flux, VOY 1

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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Despite the awesome hair of the Kazons, I can’t quite dig on them as baddies. I mean – they practically blow themselves us installing a replicator? Death for Earl Grey tea? Yee-gods.

This episode does set up Seska as Cardassian agent (making Chakotay feel like a big dumbass – and I say good – big dumbass) and she disappears not to be seen until Season Two, hopefully keeping her hair down again.

Prime Factors, VOY 1

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

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I dig this episode because it shows that there are still some people who are kinda pissed at Janeway and her decision to keep them all stranded in the Delta Quadrant. Also, there are still some divisions along Federation/Maquis lines. Except for Chakotay. I just don’t get that character. In fact, I think Chakotay may just very well be the worst character in all of Trek. I can’t figure out his motivation, plus he is a wuss and the actor is pretty bland. Eff that guy.

Anyway, in this episode a “pleasure planet” is discovered that may be able to get everyone home. Even Tuvok sees the logic in bending the rules to let this happen. Alas, problems pursue and everyone gets yelled at. But Harry Kim gets to go to the planet where the morning breeze makes you hard. Fascinating.

Abbie Says Bluch!

Jordan | E-motions,Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, June 29th, 2008

I saw this video at a museum a million years ago and never thought I’d see it again. It is the greatest thing you’ll ever see.

White Saucer Nectarines!

Jordan | E-motions | Saturday, June 28th, 2008

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Where the hell did these awesome things come from? Why am I just learning about them now?

More here.

Y: The Last Man – The Last Book

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Saturday, June 28th, 2008

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One of the most important pop culture artifacts of the new millennium comes to its conclusion. Sixty issues (ten trade paperbacks) later bring twists, revelations and ZOMG-worthy shocks. There are still the comedic perfections, bon mots and bittersweet moments that make this such an addicting series – and the principle reason why the movie version sucks.

I am envious of people who can discover Y now that the full run is readily available. You can go directly to the next book without having to agonize over the release schedule.

Hoffman Has Faith

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Saturday, June 28th, 2008

2008 is a year about taking big leaps, big changes, big decisions.

To that end, I have taken the full plunge and enlisted in auto-pay for ConEd, Verizon and Time Warner Cable. This coupled with my direct deposit from work, means that I am entrusting a system of computers to correctly monitor the ebb and flow of my financial status. The pro is that I will never be late with a bill again, the con is that I will never know how much dough I’ve got in my bank account at one time. And, of course, I am trusting machines not to make mistakes. Sure, I can always cry foul at a deduction that seems unreasonable, but what are the chances I’ll ever win such a fight? Or even catch such a mistake? I liken this to a fiscal rhythm method. For now, it feels fantastic.

Wall-E (2008), Andrew Stanton, A-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Saturday, June 28th, 2008

You don’t need me to tell you that Wall-E is adorable, and a fine way to get some quality air conditioning.

Lucky Henry

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Monday, June 23rd, 2008

Still no new vids of Walter Becker’s “Circus Money” on YouTube (I’ve been checking) – but the apex of strange has to be this collage of stills from the show E.R. to the tune of “Lucky Henry” from “11 Tracks of Whack.”

Don’t ask me – ’cause I don’t know.

Wanted (2008), Timur Bekmambetov, B-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Monday, June 23rd, 2008

There’s a great movie in here, but, alas, it got lost somewhere. There are some insane action sequences – indeed, there’s a shoot-out in here that is as insane (and violent! and filled with kick-ass guitars!) as any great shoot-out you are likely to see. And Angelina Jolie, who isn’t in this movie as much as the trailers lead you to believe, is terrific with her knowing glares. But the ponderous, baffling, and plothole riddled script can’t justify all the yap yap yap and faux mythology. James McAvoy’s whiny boy lead makes you realize that Shia LaBoeuf isn’t all that bad – and that Ed Norton is terrific. And won’t somebody shut Morgan Freeman up?

Looking back, I wasn’t that much of a fan of Night Watch either. This is better than that, though. I think.

Margot at the Wedding (2007), Noah Baumbach, C

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Monday, June 23rd, 2008

I think I’m harsher on Margot at the Wedding because it is so close to being a good movie. The deft and succinct pacing that made The Squid and the Whale so successful is on display, but there’s just nothing….interesting….happening here. I’m not averse to stories about rich people whining about relationships. I’m fond of all those faux-Bergman films Woody Allen made in the 90s. But there’s got to be unique situations up there on the screen to hang all your technique around. You can have all the marvelous acting in the world but if there’s nothing as basic as something for your actors to do it gets tired real fast.

I mean – to the people who saw this movie – other than Kidman getting stuck up in a tree, do you remember any particular scenes in this movie? Feh.

Star Trek: Debt of Honor

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Monday, June 23rd, 2008

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A 96 large page graphic novel set between films IV and V, Debt of Honor is cool in that it skips around via flashback to all different times in the TOS/films timeline, showing off different bridge sets, uniforms, gadgets and guest stars. So the nerdish fanboy in me was thrilled. Storywise – I can not tell a lie – what we have here is 96 large pages of a mess.

What’s kinda funny is that we have our first flashback to the events on the Farragut and the death of Captain Garrovick (we remember this story from the TOS episode Obsession, of course) and this is a key event in the later novel/graphic novel Ashes of Eden. This is funny because the events are completely different in each book. Hence the ongoing argument as to what is canonical in the World of Trek. But I digress….

It wasn’t just the cloud gas in Obsession, it was a band of hull-ramming beasts – like giant green sea horses or something – that caused a big stink afterwards. Turns out that Kirk has been running afoul of these beasts a LOT during his career. It’s just that we’ve always faded to black just before it happened. It’s not just him – the Klingon Kor has been having issues, too, as has a very sexy half-Romulan named T’cel who, we learn, may or may not have sired a quarter-Romulan with Kirk named T’Kir. H-w-what????!

Anyway, the gang gets together, as do a lot of deep cut characters (like the Enterprise crewman Dave Bailey who flew away with Balok!) and they fight the float-y bugs. They kinda-sorta win, T’cel makes a sexy face, and they all go back to swim with George and Gracie from the Sausalito Cetatian Institute.

The Outsider (1981), Bela Tarr, B

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Sunday, June 22nd, 2008

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When I was a younger man I used to like to go to bars in Astoria and talk to drunken, foreign men. In that regard The Outsider really brought me back.

The star of The Outsider is a fiddle-playing longhair who works crummy jobs to support his illegitimate son. It is unclear what he actually thinks of the woman, in fact, whatever in on his mind is unclear. He mostly listens to people as they ramble – to the men in the factory cafeteria, the old timers at the wedding party, to his screaming girlfriend at the loud discotheque. The style of the film is breezy, direct, almost documentary-style, as if we are drunk, too. So if you like hairy, Eastern bloc men in 70s fashions rambling on and on about the System, this one is just for you.

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