Month: June 2008

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

For some reason I have a summer cold (or sore throat at least) and it was too stinkin hot to go outside. So I stayed in. Did I take this opportunity to read one of the 50 or so unread books on my shelf? Did I take this opportunity to listen to new music? No – I mastered the art of running on walls in the 5 year old XBox game Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. The joke was on me. After devoting (literally) hours to this endeavor – including one weak moment when I had to resort to the Internet to figure out how to find one particularly squirrrely secret passageway (I went to a website with three letters in it; I’m embarrassed to say which) – I was shocked to learn that I had only completed 10% of the game. I was CERTAIN I was nearing the end. As they say in ancient Persia: oy...

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Heroes and Demons, VOY 1

Holodeck stories always make me cringe. This one does its best – its true benefit is to bring humanity to The Doctor as he goes on an “away mission” to a malfunctioning holodeck to rescue Harry Kim (natch) and those who went to rescue him. It is kinda fun to see this after the mostly-entertaining Beowulf film from last year – as the “holonovel” in question is, indeed, that particular tale. Anyway, with resolve, The Doctor makes the glowy anomaly go away. Very first season TNG, I must...

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Through The Looking Glass, DS9 3

The mirror universe is back! And whenever you are in the mirror universe, everyone is hot! Kira is back in her silver pants waaaay to tight in the caboose and when she isn’t licking black men she’s gazing into the eyes of a ridiculously buxom slave girl. Jadzia finally gets her hair out of that ridiculous pony tail, shows of her outrageous rack and dons some deep purple. Even Dr. Bashir lets his hair down and looks tough and manly. Reeeowr all around! This isn’t exactly the best mirror universe tale, but anything is better than nothing, plus it gives Sisko an opportunity to see his wife again, even if it isn’t her. Oh, and Rom gets impaled on a knife through the wall like the kid in the first Halloween movie....

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Distant Voices, DS9 3

All of my worst nightmares are in this episode. What you think is reality is just a parallel symbol of the true reality and if you don’t, like, wake up or fix or do something you’ll be dead. I don’t know if anyone else has this nightmare, but someone on DS9’s writing staff does and gave this scenario to Dr. Bashir. Siddig el Fadil gets to show off some of his acting chops by playing himself at multiple ages and does a fine job of it. This episode doesn’t really go anywhere, but I’m so taken with this initial premise that I’m grading it higher than I...

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Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

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