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Rescue Dawn (2007), Werner Herzog, B+

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007


Rescue Dawn is a good movie that gets great for about a thirty minute stretch, then concludes with a really sucky coda. For a Hollywood summer release about soldiers soldiering on, it is terrific. For a Herzog film, it is merely okay. One thing that really bugged me was Jeremy Davies doing the exact same schtick he did in Solaris. Once was cool, a second time means you are a hack.

Hey, why am I bitching? Rescue Dawn is a really great piece of no-bullshit work. That’s really Batman – I mean, that’s really Christian Bale being dragged behind an ox with his hands tied. That’s really Steve Zahn getting smacked in the face with kudzu vines. A double feature with The Naked Prey and you’ll never want to leave the city again. Nature? Bah!

Firestarter (1984), Mark L. Lester, C-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

Not long ago I wrote an article for UGO detailing the best and worst Stephen King adaptation.  I trashed Firestarter, but the truth is that I barely remembered it.  Watching it again, I feel relieved — it does indeed suck.  Young Drew Barrymore, cute though she may have been, was pretty stinkin’ awful.  The scenes of the secret scientific defense lab “The Shop” has none of the production design you’d expect from something like this. (It is no Scanners.)  The only thing cool about this movie is the tacky 80s Tangerine Dream soundtrack.  And that you can probably listen to on You Tube. 

The Bourne Identity (2002), Doug Liman, B-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007

This movie is okay.  Nothing new.  I hear the 2nd one is better.

The Loss, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007


Oh, Counselor Troi, I love it when you get angry!  Troi loses her half-Betazoid abilities and flips out.  So, you’d think, she’s accept just being like everyone else.  At first you think she’s being a total bitch, but eventually you come to understand that it is *we* who are living as cripples — it totally SUCKS not being half-Betazoid!  Now I am depressed.  Anyway, things work out in the end and Troi puts her little turquoise number on.  That’s my favorite of her outfits.

Final Mission, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007


You better wise up and listen to Captain Picard! shouts young Wesley Crusher.  But you know, he’s right.  The truth is that Picard is probably the best manager/decision maker I’ve ever seen.  If I were trapped on a desert planet, I’d want to be with him.  Even if a boulder landed on his head and he was laying there in a delirious stupor.  Wes off to the Academy?  Something tells me he’ll be back.

Future Imperfect, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007


This episode is great – a Twilight Zone spin in the tradition of the great TOS’ Mirror, Mirror.  And then there’s this dumbass ending.  So implausible.  Why couldn’t they just say it was an ion storm or something that has sent Riker into an alternate universe in a future timeline?????  I mean, that sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?

Reunion, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Tuesday, July 31st, 2007


Poor Worf.  Really can’t catch a break.  His g.f. comes back, only to get whacked.  For a Klingon, she ain’t bad looking.  Lots of moxie.  Anyway, if you like episodes where Klingons fume at each other and speak in deep voices and talk about blood oaths, this one is for you.  You can guess where I stand.

Me and Pee-Wee

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, July 29th, 2007


Now I know I finally impressed my father. I met one of his all time heroes (and mine) Paul Ruebens. I was so excited while talking to him, it kinda all went in a blur. The interview will either come out brilliant or awful. . .we’ll have to see. I’m pretty sure I made him laugh once or twice. I don’t remember. I don’t care. I met Pee-Wee. I am so awesome.

(I also met James Hong, which also makes me awesome. If you don’t know him by name, plug it into and go “Oh yeah!” Or, just look at this.)


VLOGing Hoffman

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Sunday, July 29th, 2007

UGO Opens Day Two of San Diego Comic-Con

If for some strange reason you weren’t checking back with every fifteen minutes during Comic-Con, you may have missed some of my blogging and/or vlogging.

You can click the above to see what you were missing.

If you want more, you can click here and scroll around (some of the videos are on page 2 by now.) If you just want to see me talk to Jessica Alba, go here.

Off To Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Wednesday, July 25th, 2007

Wish me luck, I’m goin’ to California, workin’ for the man!

La Soufrière: Waiting for an Inevitable Disaster (1977), Werner Herzog, A

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Wednesday, July 25th, 2007

Image:Soufriere Screen Shot.jpg

1977. What a year for Werner.  He directs Stroszek, and he also runs off to Guadaloupe because he hears it is about to explode.  He wants to talk to the three men or so who will not budge, not even for Death.  One is kind’ve down anyway, one is just loopy, the other is St. Francis.  Images of the deserted Carribean are classic Herzog sci-fi.  Awesome

Ann Does The Driving

Jordan | Tales Of Hoffman | Monday, July 23rd, 2007


Things have been a little topsy-turvy of late. Still settling in from our North Carolina trip. I leave for San Diego on Wed, come back, then head out to Vegas soon thereafter. I bring this up as an excuse for my bad blogging. So many fun photos to share of the goofy shit Ann and I have been up to all summer. I still haven’t seen Rescue Dawn and I’ve had the same movies in from Netflix for weeks. And all I post about is Star Trek and, Shappy aside, few of you care about this.

I’ll get my shit together soon. Thanks for being patient.

Sunshine (2007), Danny Boyle, A-

Jordan | Jordan Hoffman's Movie Journal | Monday, July 23rd, 2007


Silent Running + 2001 + 2010 (!) + Alien + Solaris (both versions) + The Posideon Adventure + 28 Days Later (hence the “minus.”) These are the jigsaw pieces. Luckily, much if not most of Sunshine is shot and assembled in a tremendous fashion. There were whole sequences when I was sick with excitement. So much of this film works and really works well. (One scene would have had more impact had I not seen the exact same scenario on last season’s Battlestar Galactica, but that’s no one’s fault — still, I imagine Boyle & co. were pretty pissed about this.)

There were a few things here and there that I didn’t buy, but I was totally willing to let it slide. . .until one story element that was okay at first but just didn’t go away. I won’t say what for fear of spoiling, but if you saw this already, you know what I’m talking about.

Every production design award goes to this film. Story-wise, sure, nothing new under the sun, but the look is very original given the parameters.

Also: a very upsetting movie! Violent! Depressing, kinda. No way I’m sleeping tonight without nightmares!

Legacy, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Monday, July 23rd, 2007



There are some neat double-crosses, some life lessons for Data, some decent enough shoot-em-up sequences in this episode, but if it is going to be remembered it will be remembered for one thing: intense cameltoe. Lt. Yar’s long lost sister is beamed up and she is in her Rebel Alliance uniform, but when she gets hurt (and it looks like she is going to join Star Fleet) she borrows a new outfit. From Troi, I’m guessing. Then some scenes happen, but who can pay attention when there is that much cameltoe happening?!! In the end, a resolution. This I remember because she changes back to her original costume.

Remember Me, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Monday, July 23rd, 2007



So much film and TV involve the old suspension of disbelief. This episode really asks a lot of you. Picard may as well face front to the camera and say “Engage the wack-ometer!” I will not pick nits (okay, one: Why would they just let Wesley putz around and “experiment” with the warp core of the Federation flagship? And just before they have to go somewhere?) but I will instead invite you to let yourself zip along through this nutty, almost frightening episode. The truth is that last night I kinda had a dream that incorporated elements of this episode – much like Dr. Crusher I was trapped in an imploding alternate reality and I couldn’t recognize the efforts meant to rescue me. That’s some heavy shit!

Nicholson Baker’s Checkpoint

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Sunday, July 22nd, 2007


If I wanted to hear people scream about George Bush I could just listen to myself after 30 minutes of watching Fox News. Still, Baker’s tiny one-act play is an amusing diversion into the ordinary. I’d much prefer a sequel to The Fermata. Now THAT was a book!

The Professor of Desire

Jordan | Cram it in Your Ear | Sunday, July 22nd, 2007


Another great jazz solo on what is the never-ending riff of Philip Roth’s novels. Intellectual Jewish man can’t control himself around ladies and has trouble dealing with his parents. If it wasn’t so funny and so touching you’d think I’d've had enough by now.

Suddenly Human, TNG 4

Jordan | The Star Trek Project | Sunday, July 22nd, 2007



Pretty stinkin’ awful. If Picard is going to be so gosh-darned righteous all the time, the least he can do is be consistent. That he would suddenly want to go and snatch an adolescent Talarian from the only father he knows, Stockholm Syndrome or not, you just know he’s gonna’ have to learn a life lesson before this episode is over. Bah!

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