Month: June 2007

A Matter of Perspective, TNG 3

  Oy.  A disaster.  Trek does Rashamon.  Whatever.  What I don’t like about this (and many Holodeck stories) is that it just doesn’t follow its own rules.  Holograms can’t think for themselves this much and, as holograms, they don’t take on the properties of what they are making facsimiles of.  Hence (and I hate that I have to get into this), the Kreiger Wave would never have assaulted the Enterprise. Also:  what’s up with Troi’s uniform?  One day it is purple, the next it is blue.  I like both of them for different reasons....

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Deja Q, TNG 3

I enjoy the Q episodes, even though I understand the frustrations.  He’s too powerful, he’s too goofy.  Whatever.  This is the one where he gets stripped of his Q-ness, yet Picard still defends him against the floaty silver stuff.  If Laura Roslin were in charge of the Enterprise, out the frickin’...

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A Joke You Need To Spell To Make Funny

. . .and even then you’ll need some help. Nevertheless, I wrote this one yesterday on the rock trail at the New York Botanical Gardens in the Bronx and I’ve been repeating it nonstop.  So here goes. Q:  How did one geologist greet the other? A:  Gneiss to see you! Ba dump...

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New York Doll (2005), Greg Whiteley, F

I may be being overly harsh, but this film, nearly frame-for-frame, is the perfect arguement against our culture’s obsessive proliferation with digital video documentaries about every artist who ever lived. One could argue that the New York Dolls could be the subject of a doc. Maybe. But a doc just on the bass player? The bass player??! Arthur “Killer” Kane used to be in the New York Dolls. Even back then he was mocked for being “a statue” on stage. Then he converted to Mormonism. “Oooooooh!” That’s the whole movie. Shots of him then with long hair, now with a white shirt. That’s it. That’s the whole fucking thing. Arthur Kane is, by the way, the most boring man on the planet. He has nothing to say. He is the least compelling interview subject in history. He looks wooden and mumbles and is probably thinking “why am I being interviewed?” Good stinkin’ question. There’s a reunion concert. David Johansson lights up the room for 30 seconds. Then Kane drops dead. The movie ends on a sad note so people think they’ve seen something good. I hate to sound crass, but the filmmaker just lucked into that. If Kane didn’t die so unexpectedly, he’d have no...

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1408 (2007), Mikael Håfström, A-

By now you’ve probably heard that “1408” is being heralded as the return of the intelligent horror film. I’ll jump on that bandwagon. In lieu of the torture-porn you’ll find in your “Saws” and “Hostels” (not that I’ve seen any of those films) is an actual story, actual emotion. “1408” is essentially a one-man show and John Cusack is up to the task. Believe it or not, “1408,” a treatise on grief and loss, is actually quite touching (as well as being exciting, spooky & cool.) As far as movies about a guy going bananas alone in a room, I’d place it somewhere below “The Tenant” and somewhere above...

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Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Tim Story, C

I don’t know what my problem is, but I kinda liked this movie. Every critical bone in my body says, “Give this movie the ‘F’ it deserves” but, much like the first one, I found this Fantastic Four film a genuine piece of idiotic entertainment. Johnny Torch is amusing, junkyard-jew Ben Grimm has a funny accent and I’m not going to be the one to say that Jessica Alba (care of her team of surgeons, stylists and trainers) is unnatractive. And the Silver Surfer is...

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Welcome


Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

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