Month: January 2007

All Our Yesterdays, TOS 3

1/2 When in doubt, play to your strenghts. A portal back in time (and a doomed love affair therein), strange environs causing Spock to revert to emotions, a title cribbed from Shakespeare. That’s really the success of any good Trek episode. I like that there is a librarian called Mr. Atoz (A to Z – dig?) This episode is by the numbers but chock full o’ juicy what...

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The Savage Curtain, TOS 3

No Insignia Some months ago I got handed a mighty diss by one of my favorite humans on the whole planet, Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz. I made some comment about watching Star Trek and she piped in: “Hey! Can we watch the one where they join forces with Abraham Lincoln?!?!?” In case you were hoping that that one episode of Trek you saw late late late some night where Kirk & co. joined forces with Abraham Lincoln was maybe just some sort of fevered hallucination. . . alas, no. It’s real. And Gawwwwwd is it awful. Worse than And The Children Shall Lead? Well, I don’t know about that — but it is close. The only real way to shed any light on this episode is to use the language of the suburban twelve year old: Not only is this episode retarded, it is gay. And there you have...

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The Cloud Minders, TOS 3

1/2 Despite a few weak patches this episode zips along at a nice clip and is good fun. Cribbing heavily from “Metropolis,” “The Time Machine” and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, we meet a race of people not only of lofty goals but of a lofty location — an intellectual utopia in the clouds. But below, slaving away in the mines, are workers thought to be of lesser intelligence — but that’s just a side-effect of the retardo-gas they’re inadvertantly breathing. Best moment is when Spock, first stepping into the groovy Cloud City set says it is the “finest example of sustained anti-gravity elevation” he has ever seen. On cue enters Droxine, space-blonde in ridiculous shimmering blue diaphanous gown with her gazongas sticking out like chest-antlers. Dig this photo, which is tame compared to the entry described: Droxine does her best to woo Spock, while proletarian terrorist Vanna works on Kirk. Most notable on her is that her eye shadow looks like Aqua Fresh. An accord is forced on the planet — violating the Prime Directive, of course, although the planet is a member of the Federation. . .which makes me wonder just how difficult it is to join in the first place. Also: whole episode’s ticking clock has something to do with a plant virus. Would I lie to...

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a quick short, sharp, shock/they won’t do it again

The fact of the matter is that last night I watched “Classic Albums” on VH-1 and had my mind re-blown by Pink Floyd. I don’t spend that much time thinking about Pink Floyd, but there was a time when I studied their work like the Talmud. I still have the acid washed jeans jacket with the giant prism patch on the back to prove it. If you’ve never seen “Classic Albums” (and you suck if you haven’t) they dig up an old chestnut (Aja, Rumours, Pyromania, The Number of the Beast, Songs in the Key of Life, etc.) and run through it track by track. They break down each song to its production elements — usually isolating vocal, bass, drum, guitar & effects tracks then mixing them all around until it sounds like you remember it. For a music wanker, it is a show straight from heaven. Last night’s broadcast of “Dark Side of the Moon” brought me full back to middle school. 14, 15, 16 — that’s the appropriate age to listen to this music. . .and now that I am “mature” I’ve kinda left all that behind me. If I ever listen to Floyd today it is their spacey pre-Dark Side material; the stuff no one likes. The thing is this: these songs are still terrific. Laugh all you want at Roger Waters’ earnest lyrics (Us and...

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Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

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