Month: November 2006

Holy Dog Shit! Texas?

According to R. Lee Ermey there’s only two things that can be found in the Lone Star State: But for a few days anyhow, add me. I’m in a particularly cush resort working an odd corporate gig. . .in the middle of nowhere, really, but it’s very lovely and. . .you know. . .the stars are big and bright. I’m WiFi’d up and my iPod is playing through the clock radio. Now if THAT ain’t frontier...

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Jordan Hoffman: Vertex of “Chick Lit”

* Did you know that Melanie Murray is a successful author of what reviewers call “Chick Lit?” * Did you know that the same goes for Caren Lissner? * Did you know they are anthologized together in a book called “Scenes From a Holiday?” * Now — here’s where it gets weird. Melanie is the adoreable friend of my adoreable friend Leila (both have curly dark hair and laugh a lot) and, indeed, we used to kibbutz together in the Hayden Hall cafeteria and, I cannot tell a lie, we once sang show tunes in our pajamas in Leila’s room with Adam, Leila’s friend with the short hair whose name I always forget (oh, wait, it’s Sonia!), and maybe even Tom. * As for Caren, she grew up about four houses down from us and used to have slumber parties with my sister. While I have no recollection of it specifically it is possible that we sang show tunes in our pajamas. Conclusion: success with the Harlequin division Red Dress Ink in the 21st Century is only possible if you’ve sung show tunes with Jordan Hoffman in your pajamas. This is pure...

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Lost Pines, Texas: Here I Come!

It’s not quite business and it’s not quite pleasure — and in just a few short hours I fly to Texas for 5 days. Not sure how much updating of ye olde blog I’ll be doing from the road. . .but maybe in between outdoor barbeques and capital punishments I’ll make it to a computer. Hook ’em...

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By Any Other Name, TOS 2

There’s a lot going on here. First, we get some specific info about intergalactic travel. All the Trek adventures we’ve seen so far (except maybe a little of Where No Man Has Gone Before) has taken place here — within our own Milky Way Galaxy. To get to Andromeda would take thousands of years, even at warp speed, and there’s “nothing” in between the two galaxies. (I think that last fact is accurate. . .I think.) Anyway, some super beings who have assumed humanoid form (and what form!) need the Enterprise for a multigenerational trip back to Andromeda. You don’t like it, they’ll hit the garage door opener on their belt and freeze you. You try again and they’ll turn you into a cube and crush you (see below). The only way to foil the plan is to strike at the container the beings are in — their humanity! We must flummox them, anger them and, yes, teach them to love. The mega hottie who plays the main space chick basically says But what is love? by asking to be taught more about the “cultural mystique surrounding the biological function.”...

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Patterns of Force, TOS 2

This is the Nazi episode. A Federation “cultural observer” tries to bring order and unity to a fragmented and chaotic society and pulls the most “train-running-on-time” government he can think of out of his hat. Whaddya know? Backfire. I like this episode because when Spock is stripped down to his waist and whipped (please, hold your comments) you can see markings of green bruises....

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Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

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