Month: February 2005

Pictionary Art II

It had been over a year since we had last played Pictionary, and the remnant works of art are as impressive as last time. Behold: Skilift, by Jordan Hoffman Clone, by Chris From San Francisco Whose Last Name I Either Forgot Or Never Knew Soldier, by Denise Stockman Maine, by Jordan Hoffman Jackpot, by Chris From San Francisco Whose Last Name I Either Forgot Or Never Knew Gore, by Jordan...

Read More

A Pox On Domestic Stability!

I don’t want to get too into this, but: Six months ago I moved in with the wonderful Ann, who is, in addition to so many other marvelous things, a fantastic cook. Six months ago was also the last time I was “weighed-in” in any official capacity. And just when I thought there was no more room for me hang any more fat, I find myself TWENTY FREAKIN’ POUNDS heavier!?!!? And what is so amazing is that I have been excersizing a lot more now than I’ve been in years. Stars are aligned, though — a new month is beginning; I will spend the next six months eating salad and grilled...

Read More

9 More Pictures Of The Gates

Sick of The Gates yet? I’ve got dozens of these fuckin’ pictures on my hard drive and, dammit, I am going to share them with you whether you like it or not. These photos were taken on Tues, Feb 22. It was the third time I saw The Gates, but the first time I had done so inadvertantly. In other words, I simply was trying to get somewhere and this once-in-a-lifetime site-specific work of art got in the...

Read More

Memories Come RUSHing Back

At the same time I was listening to Rush’s “2112,” (7th grade? 8th grade? 9th grade?) I was looking the part, too. Oh, if only I had a photo. Let me break it down for you: The big glasses. The size of a SETI dish. The hair. Do I have to use the word? It starts with an M and ends with a T. Two Ts. Lou Reed wore one, too, so it couldn’t’ve been THAT uncool. The jacket. Ah, yes, the jacket. The jacket I wore pretty much every day from 1987 to 1990. Denim, natch. Acid washed, of course. Acid bathed. More white than blue. Above the left breast pocket a sewn on patch of the Union Jack that said ‘The Who” on it. And the “o” in “Who” had an arrow pointing off to the northeast, like the symbol of masculinity. Above the right breast pocket a large and genuine pin of Chairman Mao. This was a gift from a Mr. James Muhall, my Chinese teacher. (I took one year of Chinese in 8th grade, one of the only two years it was offered in my school) The only thing I remember from this class was how to say hello, goodbye, thank you and Mrs. But Mr. Muhall (or was it Mulhall?) did bring us in to Chinatown one day to have Dim Sum. It was...

Read More

We Are The Priests of the Temples of Syrinx

The first Rush album I ever bought is still my favorite. I know it’s most unusual To come before you so But I’ve found an ancient miracle I thought that you should know Economics played a part in my love of bands like Rush, Yes, Emerson Lake & Palmer and Genesis. The tapes were cheap! As a youngster I received $10 a week in “allowance” from my father. This was under the rubric that I would occasionally “do stuff” around the house. I did not have an organized or ordained list of “chores” that I could tick off throughout the week. It would be random and haphazard. “Jordan! Set the table!” or “Jordan! Come outside and pick some weeds!” Now, as a middle-school kid, sometimes I just didn’t want to be bothered that moment. Maybe if I knew in advance that at some point before Sunday it would be my responsibility to pick weeds out of the slate patio in the back I wouldn’t be so quick to rebel against the task. I mean, here I am, happily watching a rerun of “M*A*S*H” or “The Jeffersons” and out of nowhere I am summoned to do manual labor. Occasionally I would protest — and if I did I was reminded — “You don’t want to do it? Fine. But don’t expect your allowance this week.” And that always got me...

Read More


Jordan Hoffman is a New York-based writer and film critic working for The Guardian, Vanity Fair, Thrillist, Times of Israel, NY Daily News and elsewhere.

He is the host of ENGAGE: The Official Star Trek Podcast, a member of the New York Film Critics Circle and challenges you to a game of backgammon.

Follow me on Twitter